Family

Family (21)

MonNov11

Marriage Monday: 4 Steps for Digging out of Marriage Ruts

Marriage Monday:

4 Steps for Digging out of Marriage Ruts

“Is this all there is?”

“Every day it’s the same ol, same ol. Where did the spontaneity go?”

“Why isn’t our marriage exciting anymore?”

Is it time to dig your way out of the marriage ruts? See if you relate to any of the scenarios below:

Husband and wife arrive home from work. They both dive into the normal routine of what happens every single day at this time. Someone throws dinner together. Someone helps the kids with homework. Someone is texting. Someone is on the computer continuing their work day from home. When they finally sit down to dinner, they are crabby and it impacts the kiddo’s who are hungry, tired, and in need of some attention.

One spouse has been home and has dinner made for the family. The other spouse comes in the door. Instead of greeting one another, they walk by the other as if s/he is a stranger they passed on the sidewalk.

They climb into bed at night. The conversation is limited, if it happens at all. One grabs a book, and the other picks up the phone. Time passes, and the lamps go out. Thoughts of a kiss goodnight, are just that…thoughts.

One spouse is "in the mood" and the other isn't. The same sexual routine plays out just like it always does. No variety. No passion.

It doesn't have to be that way...in any of these scenarios. And yet, they keep replaying in homes all around the country...day after day. Which scenario plays out within the walls of your home? Or perhaps you have one I didn't mention. Does it leave you longing for more from your marriage?

Sometimes those unhealthy scenarios creep in over a long period of time, and other times, they develop rather quickly. Sometimes, we just aren’t paying attention and being intentional, and the next thing we know, we have created poor habits within our marriage.

Just as those poor habits were created, they also can be tossed out and replaced with healthy ones. But, it does take intentionality. The change won’t happen without putting some effort into it.

A while ago, Todd and I got into a bedtime routine I wasn’t fond of. We unintentionally developed the habit of climbing into bed and scrolling, reading, or watching a tv program on our phones. We didn’t even recognize this behavior right away. Then one night, it was like a light bulb went on. What are we doing? Why are we ending our day like this? We re-evaluated. We decided we enjoy praying together before bed. We decided that yes, we both do enjoy watching some tv before bed. We decided we wanted to make sure we were giving the other a kiss before we rolled over and went to sleep. And so, those adjustments were made. We pray. We decide together what show we would like to watch together. And when it’s time for lights out, we give each other a kiss good night.

I’m not saying this is the best bedtime routine for every married couple. But I am saying, examine your routines and see if you’re both happy with them. If you’re not, then have some discussion and re-evaluate. Try something new. Discover what brings happiness and contentment to both of you. And enjoy this process of discovery. Remember, your marriage matters.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

* Reflect on the rut or unhealthy routine that you and your spouse have become stuck in.

* Talk together about alternative options you both would enjoy, rather than staying stuck in your current situation.

* Identify the specific areas of your life where your marriage tends to fall into ruts. Examples of these areas: evening routines, meals, sexual intimacy, date nights, vacations, conversations, family time

*Choose one of those areas to focus upon, and begin implementing those changes today.

Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are committed to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 40 years and they have five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, four daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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MonJul08

Marriage Monday: A Surprise Vow Renewal

Marriage Monday:

A Surprise Vow Renewal

During our Annual 4^th of July Family Weekend (four generations now), we finish the weekend with a church service in our yard. My parents and Todd and I live on about 7 acres of land, which has a large pond on one side of our houses and the Bay on the other side of our houses. This makes for a beautiful setting for all of our weekend activities, including our Worship by the Bay, which we hold on Sunday morning before people pack up to head back home.

I awoke on Sunday morning feeling grateful for the family who had come and for all God did over the weekend. His presence was so evident throughout every piece of the weekend…games, conversations, bonfires, and meals. I was a good-exhausted, you might say.

Todd and I sat in our chairs that we had placed in our “church” for the morning. The breeze was blowing ever so slightly. The water in front of us had just a ripple of movement. Our son, Harrison, and one of our daughter-in-law’s, Kya, were preparing to begin the music. Another son, Micah, was ready to open the service in prayer. Todd and I held hands, as we watched others bring their chairs as they made their way to church.

The worship music began and gratitude consumed me once again. What a gift to be in this spot with four generations of family worshiping together. My heart was full. As the music came to a close, our youngest son stood and preached the Word. His message penetrated the hearts of each individual. Once again, I was overwhelmed with God’s goodness.

After the closing prayer, another of our sons, Taylor, (we have five) stood to make an announcement. “As you may know, my parents recently celebrated their 40^th Wedding Anniversary. My Dad has asked if I help him surprise my mom by leading them through a renewal of their wedding vows today.”

I was in shock! I absolutely had no idea this was happening. I looked up at Todd, whose eyes were already glistening with tears, and wondered if life could get any better than this. He stood and extended his hand out to me to take me to the front, where we would renew our vows.

And, because I’m one for full disclosure, I said, “Oh my gosh! Do I have time to go to the bathroom? I have been holding it so much for the last 20 minutes and I don’t think I can wait.”

I took off running for the house (the best I could with a full bladder), as everyone laughed, and Todd and Taylor stood at the front waiting for my return.

I did return. I joined My Man at the front, as he opened with sharing from his heart about our marriage and this special plan to surprise me. And surprise me, he definitely did.

Before Taylor began, Todd shared how he secretly went to my Bible and found the notecard with the vows he had written to me 40 years ago. He wrote them at 19 years old, the morning of our wedding. His mom had laminated them for us, and I’ve kept them in my Bible since then.

He shared how he was going to rewrite some vows, but then read what he had written all those years ago, and noticed, they still hold true today. So, with tears streaming down both of our cheeks, he read the 40-year-old vows to me once again:

Today I will marry my best friend, my love, and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Our love for each other has grown each day from the first time we said-I love you.

Our relationship also has grown. With each problem or conflict, we overcome, our relationship gains strength.

I will do my best to make you happy. I will work hard so that we can grow in our marriage and in God.

Ahead of us are good times as well as bad, but with our commitment to each other and to God we will make it through.

We are taking the biggest step in our lives-a celebration of our love and commitment to each other. I’m as happy as anyone could ever be.
Misty, I love you.

Todd was right. Those 40-year-old vows remained relevant and were the perfect words for our renewal. It was wonderful to hear them anew.

Taylor then mentioned something similar to his Dad. He said he too, was going to look for some new vows, made for a renewal, and yet, he settled back into the original vows. The traditional vows we took 40 years ago.

We repeated the vows to one another. We said “I do” again. And we once again pledged, “til death do us part”. (And then we got to kiss!)

The stark differences between that day and this one was evident to all who were in attendance at both. And yet, a couple things remained steadfast. We were surrounded by our loved ones, and we continue to feel God’s presence and see evidence of His work in and through our lives. And for that, my gratitude overflows all over again.

Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are commited to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else. Thanks! You may also sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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SatJun08

Marriage Monday: 6 Tips for Encouraging an Open Discussion with your Spouse, When a Spouse Withdraws, Opening up with your Spouse, Sharing the Hard Stuff in a Marriage

Marriage Monday:

6 Tips for an Open Discussion with Your Spouse

In the early years of my marriage, when life got overwhelming, my “go-to” was to withdraw. And by this, I mean withdraw emotionally and physically. I wanted to be alone, go hide in my bedroom, and if necessary, curl up into a fetal position on my bed (or floor in some cases). And then, well then, I would cry.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how this could lead to some problems, confusion, and frustration for my man and I. My newly married hubby wanted to offer comforting words to me; I didn’t want to listen to him. My newly married hubby wanted to hold me; I didn’t want him to touch me. My newly married hubby wanted to know what was wrong; I didn’t want to talk. The list goes on.

As we continued to grow and strengthen our relationship, things began to change. We began to communicate more clearly with one another. Walls began to crumble, as we shared our fears and hurts, our pasts, and our dreams for the future.

A beautiful thing happened through this growing process. I began to open up and let him know when I felt I was heading into one of those overwhelming spots. In fact, he began to pick up on my subtle (and even unconscious) cues that “told” him I was heading into one of those situations. I began to allow him to speak words of truth to me. He began to learn when to not speak, and when to just listen. I began to long for him to hold me; he began to ask if he could do so. I began to share what I was experiencing; and he learned when to ask, and when to give me space.

Marriage is a delicate dance, isn’t it. It’s easy to step on the toes of the one dancing closely with us. It’s easy to make mistakes in timing. Or to not trust the other with the dips in our lives.

And yet, when we are willing to put the time in to learn how to navigate that dance, it is such a beautiful thing. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience. And practice. And persistence. But, it can get to the point where you are truly enjoying the dance…and actually pretty good at it too.

Now, forty years into our marriage, our dance looks so much different than it did in those early years. You will be hard pressed to find me sneaking off alone to our room gearing up to get into that fetal position. The reasons are varied. But basically, Todd can tell when I’m heading down that road, often before I am even thinking about it. He can pick up on my mood changes. The frequency of tears shed. The lack of laughter.

And I am able to share my heart with him. I trust him with every part of my being. So, when I am disappointed, fearful, or sad, I can share that with him.

The picture of me, alone in our room, on the bed in a ball is no more. Instead, the picture you will see is a woman leaning on the shoulder of her man, as he embraces her. Tears trickling down her cheek, as he asks her if she just needs space to cry or if he should offer some words of encouragement. And, the dance continues.

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

*Identify whether your “go to” is to withdraw from your pain or share your pain with your spouse.

*Ask your spouse if s/he thinks you have identified yourself correctly in regards to the above.

*Share with one another examples of why you think this about yourself and/or the other person. Remember, this is a discussion to encourage openness, not to shame the other for not opening up more quickly.

*Ask your spouse to share a specific area of his/her life in which you could help him/her to be more open.

*Ask your spouse to share with you some tips on how s/he could identify the beginning symptoms of when you are starting to withdraw.

*Pray for your spouse today. If s/he will pray with you in person, do that. If not, pray for them on your own. Below is a prayer you can use if you’d like:

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift you have given me in my spouse. I want to grow closer to my husband/wife. I want to connect with him/her in a more meaningful and deep way. Please give me the ears to hear and eyes to see when s/he is in pain or starting to withdraw from me. Give me the direction to proceed forward in a way that honors my spouse and you, as I walk alongside my spouse through the situation s/he is walking right now. Thank you Lord, for directing us and for strengthening our marriage even right now, as I say this prayer. In Jesus Name, Amen

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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MonApr29

Granddaughter of Deer Acres brings Rock-A-Bye-Baby Home

Rock-a-Bye-Baby, from Deer Acres, Pinconning, MI made the trip to her new home today. My Grandpa and Grandma, Ernie and Eleanore Cederberg, created Deer Acres, a beautiful Storybook Park, in 1958. Many of you visited the park when you were children, so you know what I'm talking about when I say it was a special place.

My memories of this place are endless, as are those of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. Even my children enjoyed Deer Acres when they were younger, before it closed it's doors in about 2012.

I can't explain all the stories I have today, but I will write up some blogs for future reading. For now, I wanted to just share with you that my Grandma carved all the pieces in the park...from styrofoam. Each winter they would be brought from the park into the basement of her home, so she could repaint them. Whether it was Jack and Jill who greeted you at the door, or the Old Woman in the Shoe, who had carvings of little children all around her, each one was created by Grandma.

Well, several of the figurines represented or were modeled after family members. Each of her children were one of the children scattered around the Old Woman scene. And well, Rock-a-Bye-Baby, was me. Yup. I was the oldest grandchild, and although many of the pieces were already created when I was born, she made the Rock-a-Bye-Baby after me. You can see the picture of her and I together under the "tree". I treasure that picture.

When I heard the current owner was selling the property, I started reaching out to the owner. We were struggling to connect. Unbeknownst to me, my wonderful sister, was also reaching out to the owner, to surprise me with seeing if she could get the baby for me. Thanks Mo.

And last week, the connection was made. The owner had set aside the baby for me to bring home. When they carried her out to me today, a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. Memories. Grandma. Grandpa. My Aunt and Uncle who owned and operated the place after my grandparents. Childhood adventures. After park fun hours. Finding treasures in the Souvenir Shop. It just poured over me as the baby was placed in the vehicle. I am so thankful to have brought her home. She needs a little washing. Maybe a couple touch ups of paint. But she's perfect to me. And I don't think I have ever seen her up close. I always saw her up in the tree. So to see her sucking her thumb, just like I did...for way too many years...well, let's just say that blonde hair and that thumb sucking...that's me. And I'm so grateful to have this little lady at home tonight. Thank you Teresa for this gift. It means more than you know.

As you can see in the pictures, my parents went with me today. It was an emotional and fun adventure, as we walked the park. And we left with more than the baby. We also brought home Tom Sawyer, who was fishing....so he will be perfect by our pond. And we brought home the Little Old Lady from the shoe. She will be perfect in my mom's flower garden. And I got a chair from the Three Bears house too. That was all we could fit in the vehicle.

If you would like to hear more about my Deer Acres adventures, please head to the link below the pictures and/or follow me on Facebook. I'm looking forward to writing more about blogs, and I even have a story about Deer Acres and Grandma in the devotion book I recently published. If you've been to Deer Acres, you know very well how special of a place it was. I'd love to hear your memories and /or how my grandparents, aunt and uncle, or the park fit into your life. Thanks! Have a wonderful day!

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Sign up here to receive notice of her blogs, and links to Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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MonApr29

Marriage Monday: 5 Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage, Bringing Gratitude into Your Marriage, Giving Thanks for Your Spouse

Marriage Monday:

5 Steps for Bringing Gratitude into Your Marriage

Todd and I enjoyed an entire Saturday at home this past weekend. With two sons getting married in the next month, it was a wonderful weekend to soak in one another before the wonderful weeks ahead place some extra commitments on our plate.

By Saturday evening, we had both spent time going in and out of the house, sort of rotating between work around the house and relaxation. As the sun was beginning to set, we took a walk around the yard and landed in the chairs overlooking the water. We soaked in the sunset, the sounds of the birds surrounding us, and the warmth of one another’s bodies. I sat nestled under his arm with my head resting on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. After close to 40 years of marriage, his shoulder was still one of my favorite places to rest. It always brings me peace, comfort, strength, assurance.

In the silence, my mind began to reflect upon the many ways I am grateful for this man. The list in my mind just kept growing. From his hard work around the yard to his love for his family. From his passion for ministry to his desire to provide for us. From his hunger for personal spiritual growth to his desire to see others know Jesus. From the way he looks at me when I’m being silly to the way he opens the door for me when we go out. The list continued. And then I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

“Babe,” I said with an inquisitive smile, “Do you ever just look at me and think of how thankful you are for me?”

He kept my gaze and softly responded, “That’s what I was just doing.” And he kissed me.

It is so important in our marriages to share with one another the gratitude we feel for the other. Life is crazy busy and if we aren’t intentional, it just won’t happen. It isn’t necessarily because we aren’t thankful or grateful for our spouse; it could truly because we aren’t making it a priority to leave ourselves time to lean into the art of gratitude for him/her.

I know I mention “priority” almost every week in my Marriage Monday, but that’s because it’s important! We must prioritize what’s important. And it is of utmost importance to share with your spouse the gratitude you feel for them. Unfortunately, you might be making a list of all the things he/she does that bother you. Or maybe you’re not in a good spot in your marriage right now, so you are stopping yourself from even allowing anything pure and good about them to enter your mind. I challenge you to stop that today. Satan loves to grab our train of thought and head it down a negative direction. Before we know it, it’s hard to get dug out of that rut. I’m asking you today, to make an intentional decision to get out of the negative rut. And to make a gratitude attitude adjustment this week. I have faith in you! You can do it! Check out the Practical Tips below to get started on the journey to strengthening your marriage. Because your marriage matters!

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

*Pause and pray. Ask God to forgive you for any negative thoughts you have been holding against your spouse, and ask Him to renew your mind with thoughts of gratitude.

*Grab a piece of paper and write down at least five characteristics in which you are thankful for your spouse. Do this each day this week, so you have a list tucked away to refer to when you need the reminder.

*Leave your spouse a note on his/her mirror, pillow, coffee pot, vehicle (you get the idea) that tells him/her specific areas in which you are thankful for him/her. Do this several times this week.

*Take your spouse by the hand, or in your arms, look him/her in the eyes and tell him/her, “I am so grateful for ___________. Thank you for caring for me/us in this way.” Do this several times this week.

*Have a conversation with your spouse and discuss how you both can move forward with making the sharing of gratitude a priority. This could be making gratitude lists and setting aside a special time to share them with one another. Perhaps you could commit to sharing something you are thankful for each night before you go to bed. There are many ideas you could implement; enjoy creating them and soak in the blessings that sharing your gratitude for your spouse brings to your marriage.

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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FriApr19

When Delight Disappears, Marriage Monday, Six Tips for Your Marriage, Making Time for Your Marriage

Marriage Monday: When Delight Disappears

"Is this really all there is," she said to me as she evalutated her marriage.

"The spark is gone," another person added.

So often couples glance over at their spouse, and wonder where the fun, excitement, anticipation...the list goes on... went in their marriage. When did the delight they had with their spouse disappear? Many times they can't really place a finger on an exact moment. It just seems to be something that slowly disappeard. Like a blazing fire that gradually died, until barely an ember was to be found.

Many times the delight left because your marriage was no longer a focus. Perhaps children came into the family; you found your lives saturated with filling their needs, putting the needs and desires of your spouse on the back burner. Perhaps health issues arose within the family; you found yourself busy with appointments and your seemed physically too drained to pour into your marriage. Perhaps financial issues have drained the delight from your marriage. The stress of not knowing how to pay the bills created a wedge between you and your spouse. The reasons are endless, and I know they take a toll. Our marriage has gone through the adjustments of children, health issues, and financial struggles. And that is why I can come to you to let you know there is hope. You can choose to fan the flame and bring that delight back into your marriage.

The definition of delight is to have great gratitude, pleasure, and joy in something. Doesn't that sound like something you want in your marriage? And if it is something you want, why are you walking around without it?

Let's bring back the delight! Dive back in and stop that delight from disappearing. Like most pieces of our marriages, this won't be something that will be fixed overnight. But as you pour oxygen onto that ember, the ember will beging to flicker. And when you place more and more kindling on it, it will catch. And you will be able to rebuild that massive fire you once enjoyed.

Below are some practical tips for you to start doing with your spouse. And I hope they will stop the delight from disappearing, or bring the delight back if it has begun to disappear.

*Have a conversation with your spouse. Ask them if they feel the "delight" you once had in your marriage has already disappeared or has begun to disappear?

*Between the two of you, jot down some ideas of activities you would like to see implemented into your marriage. Perhaps these are things you have let slide over the years. What did you used to do as a couple that you both enjoyed and found helpful in building your marriage?

*Take time daily to verbally encourage one another.

*Take time daily to physically touch one another. This may or may not be sexual. It could be simply a kiss. Stroking their hair. Rubbing of the shoulders. Holding hands.

*Take time to date again. Go over your weekly calendar, and set a date. Even if it needs to be simply taking a walk with just the two of you for a half hour. Prioritize time together.

*Check back in with one another after a week of implementing these tips. How are you feeling about the other? What ideas can you add to the next week?

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.

Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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MonMar04

Marriage Monday: The Need to be Right, Arguments in Marriage, My Spouse is Wrong; I'm Right, Helpful Discussions in Marriage, Marriage Tips,

Marriage Monday: I'm Right! You're Wrong!

“If you turn left here, we will get there more quickly.”

“No, I drive this all the time, this way is quicker.”

“I just drove this yesterday, and it is quicker if you turn left.”

Voice inflections change. Eyes roll. The mood of the trip just changed.

“You never reached out to me.”

“I reached out first, last time. I was waiting for you this time.”

“What a joke! You never reach out to me first. I always have to be the one to initiate.”

Words get harsher. The sound of pain makes its way through the conversation.

“About ten years ago we went and visited Uncle Joe.”

“That was not ten years ago. It was only eight.”

“It was ten years! I remember cuz it was close to his 70^th birthday.”

Argument ensues. Tension grows.

What is it about us and our great need to be “RIGHT”? Even to the point we are willing to argue about topics that add no value to our daily lives. To the point that often times, we don’t even remember the topic of the initial argument. Years ago, my husband and I went to a marriage retreat, and speaker, Tom Harmon, gave this wise advice: “Give up the RIGHT to be RIGHT.”

What? You mean when I am RIGHT, I can just let “it” go and allow the other person to be RIGHT? Yes, it is possible. And it is a valuable tool to use in a marriage, as well as in any other relationship. When we relinquish this RIGHT, we are sacrificing self by putting the other person’s needs first. Because to be honest, many (I realize there are exceptions) of the arguments we have, are not worth battling over. They are not worth damaging the relationship. They are not worth hurting the other person. They are not worth the journey down the long ugly road. They are not worth damaging any children within earshot.

Perhaps turning left was quicker, but did the argument add value to the relationship? Maybe the other person didn’t reach out last time; are we prepared to lose the relationship over who is RIGHT. And maybe it was only eight years ago since we visited Uncle Joe, but wasn’t the goal of the conversation to set up a time to go visit him again?

I’m certainly not going to say it’s easy to relinquish the RIGHT to be RIGHT. My husband will testify to the fact that I don’t find it easy; in fact, he is much better at it than I. But I will continue to remind myself that it’s not about who is RIGHT. It’s about loving and honoring the other person, and investing in the building of relationships.

Bible Verses for today's Marriage Monday

Let no corrupt talk come from your mouths, but only that which is used to build others up. Eph 4:29

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, Matthew 7:12

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

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SunFeb25

Chosen by God, Identity in Christ, God Sees You, Feelings of being Unseen, Unheard,

From Unseen, Overlooked, and Never Chosen to Seen and Chosen. Identity in Christ.

As I exited the middle school locker room, I heard the teacher holler out the words I hated most during gym class.

“Everyone line up on the sideline. We are going to pick teams for….insert kickball, dodgeball, softball, or about any other sport.”

My shy personality would shrink within my small-framed body, as I slumped, attempting to disappear from what had become my normal for this phase of my childhood. My head would hang low, as my anxiety would rise.

My classmates would run to stand on the line, eager to get started on this routine of choosing teams. I’m sure there must have been others who felt like I did, however, at the time, I felt like I was the only one dreading this moment.

Two athletic students were chosen to “Captain” the teams, and the choosing began. Joe. Sue. Mike. Mary. The names rattled off, as those chosen ran to take their spot behind the Captain. Sam. Sally. Dave. Karen. More students running to their spots. Less of us standing on the sideline. John. Cindy. Pat. Donna. And so, it continued. By the time my name was called off, the sideline was clear. Often times my name didn’t need to be said aloud; as the last one standing, I would walk out and join whatever team had the “last pick”.

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt you were not seen? A time you were overlooked? A time when you weren’t one of the “chosen”?

I would imagine most of us have experienced that at some level. Perhaps it was at school, like my example. Maybe it has been within your family. You have felt unseen and unheard within the very walls of your own house. Perhaps for you it was at work. You worked hard; you put extra hours in. Only to be ignored and overlooked. Maybe you have experienced this within your friend group. You find yourself on the “outside” of the inside jokes, unsure if these people are really your friends. Maybe for you it’s within your marriage. You aren’t heard or understood, and it appears your spouse doesn’t see you.

I’m not sure of your situation, but I want you to know the truth. You are seen. You are not overlooked. You are chosen. Although I wish I could change your circumstances to make you feel that truth within the situations mentioned above, I cannot change the people around you. But what I can do, is offer you the truth to walk through those situations with your head held high.

You see, we have a God who is crazy about us. In 1 Peter 2:9-10, it says, “I am a chosen race”. In Ephesians 1, it says, “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world.” And in Galatians 3:26 it says, “For you…(that’s you! ) Are all daughters of God through faith in Christ.”

There are so many more scriptures that share with us how important we are to God. Read those verses above again. It says you are “chosen”…that means, even when you’re standing on the sidelines alone. It says you are His “daughter/son”…even when you feel overlooked.

God knows every part of your being, and He sees you. He never overlooks you. He chose you. He loves you so much that He gave His only son to die on the cross for you. This Son, Jesus, rose from the dead three days later, giving us a chance at abundant life here on earth and eternal life with Him when our time on earth is complete.

Practical Tip: Write the TRUTH on some sticky notes and place them around your house. "I am Chosen." "I am Loved." "I am Valued." Put them on your bathroom mirror. Put them on your coffee pot. Place them on your bedside table. Don't let lies cover the TRUTH about the value you actually hold.

If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, let me know and I will share with you how to begin one. And if you already do, lean into that. Remind yourself through the scriptures that whether you have a rough day at school, work, or in your own family, you are loved, seen, and chosen. You are never overlooked by your Heavenly Father.

Misty Cramer is a best-selling author & national speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

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MonFeb12

Marriage Monday: Listening to Your Spouse, Fixer to Listener, Differences Between Men & Women, Hearing Your Spouse, Marriage Monday, Love through Listening

Marriage Monday: Fixer to Listener

Are you a fixer or a listener? The scenario looks something like this:

Spouse A: “Honey, I just had a horrible day. You wouldn’t believe what happened at work! And then I came home to the kids having problems…” The conversation continues with Spouse A downloaded the difficulties of the day.

Obviously exhausted, they plop down on the couch and wait for reassurance and comfort from Spouse B.

Spouse B: “I think you probably should have just told so-and-so at work to mind their own business. And you know, I’ve been saying that we need to tell those kids they just can’t...”. The conversation continues with Spouse B sharing all the wonderful ideas they have that could fix the difficulties shared by Spouse A.

Todd and I have been there. Spouse A generally is simply wanting to download their frustrations and receive affirmation from Spouse B. And yet, the temptation for Spouse B is to “fix” the problems shared by Spouse A. After all, they have a problem. They shared it. They certainly must want an answer. Otherwise, why would they have shared the problem?

Can you relate to this at all within your marriage? Generally, but not all the time, Spouse A is the wife and Spouse B is the husband. Often times, the wife desires to download her day, without being told how she could fix whatever issues she may have disclosed.

Sometimes, she has actually dealt with the problem already. Other times, she is tired and doesn’t want the “fix” at that moment. And sometimes, she simply wants to unload. She desires for her spouse to listen to her, comfort her, and offer reassurance that he loves her. She wants a shoulder to cry on and an ear to hear.

However, God wired men with a desire to “fix” problems. Frequently when they hear their wife download the difficulties, their brains begin to process and they begin thinking of truly great ways to fix the problems. They want to love their wife by sharing with her the ideas of how they can help to make her situation better.

As wives, we often just think the hubby is rude. Why can’t you just hear me? Love me? And on the opposite side, the guy is not trying to be rude. He is listening. And his method of loving you is to show you the answer to your problem.

Let’s get on the same page. If you’re the spouse who needs to vent and wants the “ear”, but not the “answer”, then let your spouse know that before you download to them.

And if you’re the spouse who is on the receiving end of this download, have your spouse clarify what they would like from you in this situation. A simple, “Honey, would you like me to simply listen to you today or did you want me to think of how I can help you with this situation?”

As with most challenges in our marriages, communication is key. The receiver in this situation could have very good intentions when they offer help. And yet, if Spouse A was coming with the intention of solely wanting to download, the help is only going to raise the already tense mood. Be clear of the expectations before the conversation even begins.

Intentional Tips for Your Marriage this Week:

*Have a conversation with your spouse and ask each other:

Do you feel heard by me when you share about the challenges you encounter during the day?

How do you think I can improve on my listening?

Are there times when you feel I try to fix the problem, rather than just tune in and listen to you?

Before you download something to me, do you feel comfortable letting me know that you just want me to listen to you?

Do you understand that in the past when I have shared my suggestions that it was done out of love?

When I have ideas that could help your situation, what would be the best time and manner for me to share them with you?

I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.

Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

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SatFeb03

Remember to Continue to Love, Practical Ways to Love your Spouse, Don't Forget Your Love

Marriage Monday: Remember...Continue to Love

The flirting started in the basement of our friend’s house when Todd and I were seniors in high school. We enjoy arguing about who initiated said flirting. The story was that the initiator took a shoe from the foot of the other and threw it across the room. Well, I dug out this 40 years old picture this week. (Thanks to whichever friend happened to take it…back in the days when you actually had to have a camera and develop the photo!  ) While looking at this picture, it is pretty clear that Todd has both of his shoes still on and it looks to me like he’s taking mine. I’m not sure he has a defense any longer. Todd, you were flirting with me. (And yes, I’m glad you were.)

Dating can be a time when showing the other how much we love them comes a little easier. Generally, we are working hard to show that person the best of us. We figure out what they enjoy. We long to spend time with them. We go out of our way to cater to their needs. We come up with special ways to show our love.

And often times, we find ourselves years down the road, wondering why that person isn’t loving us the way they once did. You know, life begins to happen. Schedules fill up. Kids come along. Money is hard to come by. Health issues arise. And we begin to take the other for granted. We put them on the back burner. We prioritize work and kids above our spouse. We look around and wonder what happened to that flirting. What happened to the person who used to go out of their way to make us feel loved?

I’m here to say, you don’t have to let that happen in your marriage. Come on! Put the time, creativity, and energy into your marriage! Besides your relationship with Jesus, there should be nothing else that comes above the investment you put into the person next to you bed.

I am not saying it’s always easy. In fact, you may be at a place in your marriage where the thought of investing into your spouse gives you a headache. Well, take a deep breath. Make a commitment to begin today to show them how much you love and appreciate them. Once you make it a part of your daily life, it will get easier. Your actions will become part of who you are again. And more than likely, they will be reciprocated.

As Todd and I were talking about this topic, we both came up with some actions that make us feel loved by the other.

Todd feels especially loved by me when I:

*spend time working on a home or yard project with him

*watch a Todd choice movie with him

*attend an event with him that he knows I would rather not attend

*recognize his need to be alone and/or have a break from other people

I feel especially loved by Todd when he:

*spends time playing a game with me

*brings me a treat from the store without me requesting it

*finds a movie for us to watch that I know is much higher on my “like” list that his

*takes a walk around the yard with me

*shares with someone about something he is proud of me for accomplishing

As you can see by the examples, there isn’t financial cost attributed to these actions. They are simply actions created by tuning into the needs and desires of the person. Making the other a priority.

Take some time to invest in your marriage by going over the tips below with your spouse.

Intentional Tips for Strengthening your Marriage this Week:

*Ask your spouse to list three things that make him/her feel loved by you. If they didn’t read this article, give them a couple examples from above to help them get started.

*Look over that list and write on your calendar when you will carry out those actions. (Things that get put on your calendar have a much better chance of being completed. Remember, your spouse is your priority.)

*Carry out those actions.

*Continue carrying out those actions in the weeks ahead. See if you begin to notice a difference in your spouse and in your marriage.

Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!

Sign up here for the monthly devotion: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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