Family

Family (21)

MonNov06

Marriage Monday: Pause, Pray, Prepare & Power

Marriage Monday: I'm So Stressed!

The fatigue has built up from the long day. You’ve dealt with people for hours. You’ve needed to be nice to all those people, because after all, it is your job. You’re already stressing over the list of needs the kids have for the evening. You think…if one more thing goes wrong or one more person says something ******, it will send me over the edge.

Then, you walk in the house and see your spouse has dumped their work stuff in the middle of the living room. You notice the trash they were going to take out yesterday is still overflowing in the kitchen. Your temperature rises as you notice they forgot to put the milk away before they left this morning. If they pop out right now from wherever they may be in this house, you may say things that will take you both on a road to….oh boy, we don’t want to know.

Have you been there? Have you had those days where you are stretched to the limit on your patience, to the point that you are physically and emotionally ready to spew unkind words at your spouse? Almost as if you are armed and ready?

Unfortunately, you are not alone. The question isn’t whether the scenario happens or not (because more than likely, it happens to all of us…or for some, it has happened so frequently that it has turned into the norm). The real question is, how will we respond to the scenario?

Check out these tips below and surprise your spouse after your stressful day by pausing, praying, preparing, and using the power of your words to glorify God and build a stronger marriage for your family.

Intentional Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week:

*Pause: When re-engaging with your spouse and family after you’ve had a stressful day, pause. Physically pause. Don’t go right in and face the people most important in your life when you are filled with anxiety and stress, ready to blow at any moment. Pause and take a deep breath. Sit for even a minute and gather yourself. Close your eyes. Breathe.

*Pray: Share with God the frustrations you’ve encountered in your day. Let Him know you do not wish to place these stresses upon your marriage and family. Then ask Him to calm your spirit. He is the provider of peace. Allow His gift of peace to wash over you, as He listens and answers your prayer.

*Prepare: The very definition of “prepare” is to make ready beforehand, set up, be established. Allow that to translate to your heart and mind. Anticipating that your spouse may also have had a stressful day can help in this preparation. What does it look like to be ready, set up, and established in reference to connecting with your spouse after a stressful day? Does it mean picking up something at the store and giving it to your spouse as a greeting when you walk in? Does it mean having his/her favorite mug already filled with hot coffee when they walk in the door? Perhaps it means having the kiddos ready to run up and give mommy or daddy a big hug when the door opens. Or maybe it looks having a special meal made. Don’t go to where your mind is tempting you right now, with the “I’m the one that’s had the bad day”. Yes, you have, but it is so amazing what God does to our own heart when we shift the focus from ourselves to our spouse. When we consider how we can make their day better, it honestly will also make our day better. Our attitudes shift when we walk in the door and have a little gift to give them. Our heart posture changes when we have prepared a meal that will make our spouse smile. Our angry words disintegrate as we prepare and make a conscious decision to love someone in very tangible ways.

*Power: Remember, there is power in our words. After preparing your hearts, and moving forward with life-giving actions, be sure to use words that will build up your marriage. God instructs us to build one another up with our words (1 Thes 5:11), and there is of course good reason for that. We build a stronger foundation for our marriage when we speak to our spouse with words that build rather than tear down. Instead of removing pieces of our foundation by spewing hateful words, we are able to add pieces to our foundation with loving, encouraging words. And these helpful, strong pieces will be used for other layers of the marriage to be built upon.

Misty Cramer has been married to Todd for 39 years, and together they have raised five sons. They have been in youth, family, and marriage ministry for over three decades. Misty is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She and Todd reside in rural Michigan. They enjoy mentoring couples, and speaking at marriage retreats, while Misty is also available for speaking at Ladies Retreats, MOPS, and church and community events.

Have a wonderful week. I would love to hear how you were able to work through some of the stresses in your marriage. Please feel free to leave a comment or question on the form below, or connect with me on Facebook and Instagram. I also send out a monthly email that includes a devotion, schedule of my speaking, and other words of encouragement. I’d love for you to be a part of what God is doing through the email group. That link is also below. Alright, enough chit-chat.

Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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SunOct29

Memories, Masks, and Family Time; Halloween;

Memories, Masks, and Family Time

It’s that time of year again that a farmer’s daughter (me) begins to think of all that went into the harvest season for our family. As a child, it was wonderful memories of riding in the beet truck, anxious to see what treats mom had packed in our dinner bags, or listening to the comforting sound of the corn dryer humming all night. But for Dad, it meant a lot of work. He had to get the beans, corn, and sugar beets out of the fields. And he was under some pressure from us kids; he was on a race to finish the job before October 31st. Why? Because then Dad would be able to take us trick or treating!

As the days got closer to the date, we began asking him if he was going to make the deadline. But even if he didn’t, we suspected he would take off a couple hours to take us around the neighborhood. And our suspicion was correct. As Mom helped us get into our costumes, we would wait by the door for Dad to come in from the field or barn, load us up in the car, and take us out for the night.

Living in the country, some folks thought we should just be taken to town and dropped off to make our way around that neighborhood. But we had a different tradition. We had “neighbors” too. They just happened to live anywhere from a half mile to five miles from our house. So off on our evening drive we would go, creating a special tradition that I continue to hold close to my heart.

I remember as a child anticipating the stops at each house. One year we were somewhat confused as we went to the door of a lady who answered with a grumpy face and yelled, “Halloween isn’t until tomorrow! Shame on you for coming a day early!” After running off the porch and checking with Dad to be sure he brought us out on the correct night, we continued on our way pretty sure that the evening could only get better. And it did.

We would go to visit the wonderful lady in the wheelchair; she always had a baggie full of candy, a big smile, and invited Dad in for his piece of pie. Another woman always gave us homemade cookies, and although we made Dad stay in the car, she always sent out a couple extra cookies for him. There was another house that we couldn’t keep dad out of, as the husband and wife always had some type of a treat waiting for my Dad. (My Dad must have gained weight on Halloween…and not just from the candy!) I also enjoyed how this couple’s house smelled of freshly baked foods. We would take a few minutes, sit on their couch and visit, listen to the man’s hearty laugh as he and Dad exchanged childhood stories. His wife would smile and watch for more trick or treaters, then finally jokingly cut in on the conversation of the two men to get them to stop visiting, so Dad could get us to the other houses that awaited our arrival. I was always thankful for her. I think she saw our anxious little faces speculating about how we were going to get Dad back into the car. We would load back up and head to the next house. We would never miss the woman who would invite us inside so that her daughter, who was in a wheelchair, could be sure to see us. I remember eagerly waiting to be invited inside. We would follow the woman down the hall to say hi to her daughter and show her our silly costumes, which always brought laughter and smiles to each of us.

Looking back on the evening, as an adult, I realize that it wasn’t so much the costumes we wore, although that was a fun part of it. It wasn’t all the candy we got, although it was very yummy! But I realize that the part of the evening that sticks in my heart is really two-fold. One part is that my Dad would always take the time out of his schedule, many times working extra long hours the weeks before, so he could take us on this annual adventure. He gave us the gift of his time and that was precious to us.

The gift continued as we began our visits around the neighborhood, which is the second part of the evening that touched me. We didn’t approach the houses only hungry for the candy. We realized that in each house there was a family. And the families we visited were ones that were excited to see children at their doors, and eagerly awaited our visits.

Many of those people have gone to heaven now. Although I have the privilege of living just down the road from the son of the mom who had the daughter in the wheelchair. He has since become a friend and continues to keep up on his mother’s traditions of having the house all decorated and ready for the fall season. And the man with the hearty laugh has also gone to heaven, but their home still smells of baked goods, and his wife will be anxiously watching the door for their young granddaughter to make her way up the stairs for Halloween treats from her grandma.

Our Heavenly Father challenges us, instructs us, to love and care for our neighbors. He gave us to each other to love. Yet we often don’t even know our neighbors name. We get caught up in our own needs, our own little world, forgetting that there are people who could use a visit, a gift of our time.

The gift of time touched the lives of many people that night. The sacrifices my Dad made to work extra hours that enabled him to give us the gift of time that evening, has obviously had an impact on my life. And then I remember times in my life thinking that it was a wonderful gift that we were giving people by going to their houses. Yet, I soon came to realize that it was I who was receiving the gift. As I recall those visits, I sit with tears in my eyes considering the precious neighbors that God blessed our family with, people who truly made an impact on my life, and perhaps didn’t even realize it. I thank God that He blessed me with these special people, and know that the love in their hearts continues to flow through the next generation.

Maybe there is a sacrifice of time you can make to create memories with someone near you. Perhaps there is someone who would enjoy a neighborly visit from you. I’m sure that as soon as you take the time to stop by and bless someone with your visit, God will bless you right back with the gift of a full heart that will put a sparkle in your step the rest of the day. May God bless you as you search your heart for just the right person to visit this week!

#neighbors #halloween #friends #harvest #giftoftime #family #farming #costumes

Written by: Misty Cramer, Nov '05

Reprinted with permission by Bay City times

Pictured are my granddaughters, ready to head out and make memories with their family

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made it's way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughter-in-laws, and two granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Click here to purchase Misty's book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Click here to connect with Misty on Facebook, where she posts daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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SunOct29

Marriage Monday: The Invisible Backpack

Marriage Monday: The Invisible Backpack

It’s been over 39 years since I went down the aisle and made the vow “til death do us part”. As I think back on that day, I consider the number of unrealistic expectations I took with me down that aisle. It was almost as if I had an invisible backpack strapped to my body…and inside it held the ugly and unquestionably problematic…unrealistic expectations.

Oh, I am not even sure I was consciously taking these unrealistic expectations with me down the aisle. Nonetheless, they were there. And some of them were going to do their best to create some problems in my marriage.

Not all expectations are negative ones. But for the purpose of this post, the focus is on the unrealistic and unhealthy expectations. For me, these were expectations I had thrown into my backpack as I grew up. Expectations that my hubby would do jobs just like my Dad did them. Expectations that he would know birthdays were an important event and worthy of gift giving and celebration. Expectations that he would know when I was in need of some quality time. Expectations of him understanding my desire to pray together. The list could go on and on.

The reality is, my expectations were indeed baggage. They were baggage that needed to be addressed. There was a need for my husband and I to communicate with one another about these expectations. Because the reality was, many of our expectations didn’t fit the mold of what our marriage would like.

I needed to understand that my husband was not my Dad; his giftings are very different from my Dad and I need to accept and embrace those differences. I needed to communicate my ideas on birthdays, understanding that the ways of celebration and emphasis on such celebration in his family and mine were different. I needed to release the expectation of thinking my hubby should just “know” that I needed quality time with him; I could share with him my needs for this in a way that would benefit both of us. I couldn’t just expect that he knew I longed for him to pray with me; I again, needed to be honest and share this desire with him.

Are you holding onto unrealistic expectations for your spouse? Perhaps holding him to a standard you saw as a child in a romance movie. Maybe comparing him to your parent or grandparent. Are you evaluating your marriage based upon the marriage of your friends, or possibly, by the never-ending happy and unrealistic posts on social media?

Take time this week to check your backpack. What expectations can you release? Or what expectations can you pick out of the backpack, place on the table, and invite your spouse into your world for some meaningful conversation. Perhaps even offer a time of asking for forgiveness for holding onto expectations that should have never made it down the alter in the first place.

Have a wonderful week, and take some time to check out the marriage tips below. I would love to hear how you were able to work through some of the unrealistic expectations in your marriage. Please feel free to leave a comment or question on the form below, or connect with me on Facebook and Instagram. I also send out a monthly email that includes a devotion, schedule of my speaking, and other words of encouragement. I’d love for you to be a part of what God is doing through the email group. That link is also below. Alright, enough chit-chat. Here are the tips for the week.

Intentional Tips for Strengthening your Marriage this Week:

*Take time alone to consider whether you feel you brought a backpack down the aisle that held expectations for your spouse that shouldn’t have been placed upon him/her.

*Forgive your spouse for placing unrealistic and unhealthy expectations on you.

*Ask your spouse if s/he has felt you had unrealistic expectations for them at any point it your marriage. And if so, do they feel those expectations are still alive or have them been dealt with? Discuss their response.

*Have a conversation with your spouse regarding healthy expectations. What are some expectations you can have for one another that will strengthen your marriage? What expectations do you need to throw out of the backpack?

*Remind yourself throughout the week to release the unrealistic and unhealthy expectations, while focusing on the positive traits your spouse has brought into the marriage.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and two granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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SunJul28

Marriage Monday: Four Tips for Re-engaging with Your Spouse

Marriage Monday: Re-engaging with Your Spouse

Can I love my spouse, but not really like him/her right now? I remember a time in our marriage where I was not liking my man. And my guess is, he wasn’t liking me much at that point either. I can make a list of what was going on in our lives, and place some blame on how and why he wasn’t very likable, but my guess is, again, he probably could do the same. We had young children. One of them wasn’t sleeping much at all, and only wanted mommy. We were struggling financially. I was babysitting daily for another baby, attempting to make some extra income so I could afford to stay home with our children. We were in a rut. He would go to work. I would watch kids. He would return home. I would hand off kids and go outside, trying to get a moment or two without a child attached to my body. He would get frustrated because the child would scream and didn’t want daddy. I would come back into the house to a crying child, other children needing things, and now a hubby who was anything but happy. And the cycle would continue. We would get irritated with one another quickly. We would think of our own needs instead of attempting to meet our needs together. It wasn’t fun.

But, wow, I did love that man. If anyone would have asked either of us if we loved our spouse, we would have said, “yes, of course.” However, we sure weren’t doing a great job at displaying it in our everyday lives. And the result was…we didn’t like each other much.

Thankfully, that phase didn’t last too long. We learned to communicate much better. We learned to forgive more quickly. We learned to serve the other more effectively. We learned to see the needs of the other more often. We learned. Period.

Marriage is a process of learning, isn’t it. Today, I ask, do you find yourself in the “I love my spouse, but I don’t like my spouse” phase? Unfortunately, some couples spend years in this phase. It’s not healthy or productive, and it certainly is not a fun place to reside in your marriage. Marriage is much more fulfilling when we not only love our spouse, but we like him/her too.

When I look back at that phase, I see some important components at play on my end. I see a woman who wasn’t happy with herself. I see a woman who was exhausted. I see a woman who probably had some depression creeping into her life. I see a woman who was lonely. The list goes on, but the point is, I wasn’t at a great place personally. And Todd could make a list of his components, as well. We were two people who were struggling on our own, and not making the decision to come together, communicate, and see what we could do for the other. We were too caught up in the “me syndrome”. If I could chat with young Misty today, I would suggest she and her husband sit down and have some conversation on how they could meet the other’s needs more effectively. I would tell her to intentionally do something to serve her husband every day, even if that wasn’t reciprocated. I would tell her to get a babysitter, and go out and do something fun with this man she loves…and find out what it’s like to not only love him, but to like him again.

Don’t stay stuck in that spot; take a step today to make your marriage better. If your spouse isn’t onboard for talking to you about it, make a commitment this week to do something for him/her that would show them you’re in the game. You’re ready to step it up and become friends, have fun together, laugh together…that you’re ready to figure out how to like one another again. And if you already are doing great in your marriage, awesome. But don’t take that for granted. Don’t let the fire burn out; fan the flame. Continue to be intentional about doing something to make it better each day. Your marriage is worth it.

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

*Ask your spouse, "What could I do to make your week better?"

*Do an activity you had fun doing together when you were dating.

*Leave a note for your spouse that tells him/her at least three things you like about them.

*Let your spouse choose something for the two of you to do together, and make the arrangements to make it happen.

#marriage #marriagematters #love #marriagemonday #loveoneanother #love #serve #spouse

Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are commited to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else. Thanks! You may also sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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SunJun23

Marriage Monday: Tips for Investing in Your Marriage

I sat, relaxing, as a passenger in our vehicle (I’m spoiled cuz Todd always drives.) and let Todd know that I’d like to make a few stops on the way home. We were finishing up our trip up north and these were places that held special childhood memories for me. And so, on we drove. When we got to the first place, Purell’s Restaurant in Pinconning, I unfortunately wasn’t hungry yet. So, I told him to pass by, as I shared that it was the place where we would go for ice cream when I stayed at my grandparents’ house.

The next location was Deer Acres. Although it is now closed, this was a park that my grandparents’ created, built from scratch. To say that I have a few wonderful childhood memories there would be a grand understatement. Todd pulled in the driveway. I looked at the chipping paint, and the lifeless soldiers standing out front, and tears formed in my eyes. As Todd waited in the vehicle, I got out and walked closer, so I could peek inside. When I did, the overgrown broken track that I once drove the old-fashioned cars around, suddenly became bright and shiny, laughter filling the air. As I looked over at the rusty monkey cage, I could almost see them swinging around as they played and screeched. The tiny Hensel and Gretel House, now crumbling, came to life, as I remembered feeling so grown up working in there alongside my aunt and uncle. And the entry…the ticket counter, vines pushing through the cracks in the cement blocks, it also came to life in my mind’s eye, as my grandpa or uncle sat and took tickets, smiling from ear to ear as they saw me approaching from the parking lot. It didn’t take long for my grandma and aunt to come around the corner from the souvenir shop, arms open and ready for a big hug. As the tears made their way from my eyes, down to my cheeks, I felt an arm around my shoulder. Todd hadn’t stayed in the vehicle. He stood beside me, sharing in the moment. Allowing me to relive memories that were before our time together. Listening, as I shared a past that he wasn’t part of, but cared about because it was part of what shaped the woman he loves so well.

Satisfied with this stop on our journey home, we had one more place to go. Todd drove a few more miles until we reached the Turkey Roost. Another restaurant that has family memories that go back well over half a century. We pulled in the parking lot and made our way into the pink restaurant. I remembered the pens they had in the parking lot area when I was a child; pens where I could go and see the real live turkeys. When we got inside, we sat down. And surround by all the people, I did a little whistle to myself. It only seemed fitting, after hearing decades of stories about how my grandpa proudly brought me in there after church, showing off his two-year-old granddaughter who had learned to whistle. Sunday after Sunday, Turkey Roost became an after-church tradition. It definitely was a must on my list of stops on our way home that day.

When we left Turkey Roost, my heart was full. Not only because of the warmth the memories provided for me that day, but because my husband had just invested in me. Was there a list of things at home calling for his attention? Of course. Was he tired from a long week of work? He certainly was. And yet, he intentionally had a cheerful attitude and truly made me feel like he wanted to be no other place in the world that afternoon than right there beside me, walking down memory lane.

Remember to prioritize your spouse this week. Marriages don’t get stronger without putting in the time and investing in them. And your marriage is worth the investment…so, put in the time.

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

*Be intentional about setting your phone to the side, turning off the television, and focusing on conversations with your spouse.

*Ask your spouse what you could do for them this week that would make them feel valued.

*Create a list with your spouse with activities you both would enjoy doing together. Pick at least one of those activities to do with each other each week.

*Here’s a few ideas to get you started: talk a walk, play a game, go on a bike ride, bring home dinner, make popcorn and watch a movie of their choice.

*This blog is by no means intended to put current or past owners of Deer Acres in a poor light.

Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome

Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14

Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064

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FriFeb25

She's a Mom, like me...

Psalm 9:9 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

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FriJan14

The Goodbye Wave

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh

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