Dating can be a time when showing the other how much we love them comes a little easier. Generally, we are working hard to show that person the best of us. We figure out what they enjoy. We long to spend time with them. We go out of our way to cater to their needs. We come up with special ways to show our love.
And often times, we find ourselves years down the road, wondering why that person isn’t loving us the way they once did. You know, life begins to happen. Schedules fill up. Kids come along. Money is hard to come by. Health issues arise. And we begin to take the other for granted. We put them on the back burner. We prioritize work and kids above our spouse. We look around and wonder what happened to that flirting. What happened to the person who used to go out of their way to make us feel loved?
I’m here to say, you don’t have to let that happen in your marriage. Come on! Put the time, creativity, and energy into your marriage! Besides your relationship with Jesus, there should be nothing else that comes above the investment you put into the person next to you bed.
I am not saying it’s always easy. In fact, you may be at a place in your marriage where the thought of investing into your spouse gives you a headache. Well, take a deep breath. Make a commitment to begin today to show them how much you love and appreciate them. Once you make it a part of your daily life, it will get easier. Your actions will become part of who you are again. And more than likely, they will be reciprocated.
As Todd and I were talking about this topic, we both came up with some actions that make us feel loved by the other.
Todd feels especially loved by me when I:
*spend time working on a home or yard project with him
*watch a Todd choice movie with him
*attend an event with him that he knows I would rather not attend
*recognize his need to be alone and/or have a break from other people
I feel especially loved by Todd when he:
*spends time playing a game with me
*brings me a treat from the store without me requesting it
*finds a movie for us to watch that I know is much higher on my “like” list that his
*takes a walk around the yard with me
*shares with someone about something he is proud of me for accomplishing
As you can see by the examples, there isn’t financial cost attributed to these actions. They are simply actions created by tuning into the needs and desires of the person. Making the other a priority.
Take some time to invest in your marriage by going over the tips below with your spouse.
Intentional Tips for Strengthening your Marriage this Week:
*Ask your spouse to list three things that make him/her feel loved by you. If they didn’t read this article, give them a couple examples from above to help them get started.
*Look over that list and write on your calendar when you will carry out those actions. (Things that get put on your calendar have a much better chance of being completed. Remember, your spouse is your priority.)
*Carry out those actions.
*Continue carrying out those actions in the weeks ahead. See if you begin to notice a difference in your spouse and in your marriage.
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here for the monthly devotion: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Are you a fixer or a listener? The scenario looks something like this:
Spouse A: “Honey, I just had a horrible day. You wouldn’t believe what happened at work! And then I came home to the kids having problems…” The conversation continues with Spouse A downloaded the difficulties of the day.
Obviously exhausted, they plop down on the couch and wait for reassurance and comfort from Spouse B.
Spouse B: “I think you probably should have just told so-and-so at work to mind their own business. And you know, I’ve been saying that we need to tell those kids they just can’t...”. The conversation continues with Spouse B sharing all the wonderful ideas they have that could fix the difficulties shared by Spouse A.
Todd and I have been there. Spouse A generally is simply wanting to download their frustrations and receive affirmation from Spouse B. And yet, the temptation for Spouse B is to “fix” the problems shared by Spouse A. After all, they have a problem. They shared it. They certainly must want an answer. Otherwise, why would they have shared the problem?
Can you relate to this at all within your marriage? Generally, but not all the time, Spouse A is the wife and Spouse B is the husband. Often times, the wife desires to download her day, without being told how she could fix whatever issues she may have disclosed.
Sometimes, she has actually dealt with the problem already. Other times, she is tired and doesn’t want the “fix” at that moment. And sometimes, she simply wants to unload. She desires for her spouse to listen to her, comfort her, and offer reassurance that he loves her. She wants a shoulder to cry on and an ear to hear.
However, God wired men with a desire to “fix” problems. Frequently when they hear their wife download the difficulties, their brains begin to process and they begin thinking of truly great ways to fix the problems. They want to love their wife by sharing with her the ideas of how they can help to make her situation better.
As wives, we often just think the hubby is rude. Why can’t you just hear me? Love me? And on the opposite side, the guy is not trying to be rude. He is listening. And his method of loving you is to show you the answer to your problem.
Let’s get on the same page. If you’re the spouse who needs to vent and wants the “ear”, but not the “answer”, then let your spouse know that before you download to them.
And if you’re the spouse who is on the receiving end of this download, have your spouse clarify what they would like from you in this situation. A simple, “Honey, would you like me to simply listen to you today or did you want me to think of how I can help you with this situation?”
As with most challenges in our marriages, communication is key. The receiver in this situation could have very good intentions when they offer help. And yet, if Spouse A was coming with the intention of solely wanting to download, the help is only going to raise the already tense mood. Be clear of the expectations before the conversation even begins.
Intentional Tips for Your Marriage this Week:
*Have a conversation with your spouse and ask each other:
Do you feel heard by me when you share about the challenges you encounter during the day?
How do you think I can improve on my listening?
Are there times when you feel I try to fix the problem, rather than just tune in and listen to you?
Before you download something to me, do you feel comfortable letting me know that you just want me to listen to you?
Do you understand that in the past when I have shared my suggestions that it was done out of love?
When I have ideas that could help your situation, what would be the best time and manner for me to share them with you?
I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
“If you turn left here, we will get there more quickly.”
“No, I drive this all the time, this way is quicker.”
“I just drove this yesterday, and it is quicker if you turn left.”
Voice inflections change. Eyes roll. The mood of the trip just changed.
“You never reached out to me.”
“I reached out first, last time. I was waiting for you this time.”
“What a joke! You never reach out to me first. I always have to be the one to initiate.”
Words get harsher. The sound of pain makes its way through the conversation.
“About ten years ago we went and visited Uncle Joe.”
“That was not ten years ago. It was only eight.”
“It was ten years! I remember cuz it was close to his 70th birthday.”
Argument ensues. Tension grows.
What is it about us and our great need to be “RIGHT”? Even to the point we are willing to argue about topics that add no value to our daily lives. To the point that often times, we don’t even remember the topic of the initial argument. Years ago, my husband and I went to a marriage retreat, and speaker, Tom Harmon, gave this wise advice: “Give up the RIGHT to be RIGHT.”
What? You mean when I am RIGHT, I can just let “it” go and allow the other person to be RIGHT? Yes, it is possible. And it is a valuable tool to use in a marriage, as well as in any other relationship. When we relinquish this RIGHT, we are sacrificing self by putting the other person’s needs first. Because to be honest, many (I realize there are exceptions) of the arguments we have, are not worth battling over. They are not worth damaging the relationship. They are not worth hurting the other person. They are not worth the journey down the long ugly road. They are not worth damaging any children within earshot.
Perhaps turning left was quicker, but did the argument add value to the relationship? Maybe the other person didn’t reach out last time; are we prepared to lose the relationship over who is RIGHT. And maybe it was only eight years ago since we visited Uncle Joe, but wasn’t the goal of the conversation to set up a time to go visit him again?
I’m certainly not going to say it’s easy to relinquish the RIGHT to be RIGHT. My husband will testify to the fact that I don’t find it easy; in fact, he is much better at it than I. But I will continue to remind myself that it’s not about who is RIGHT. It’s about loving and honoring the other person, and investing in the building of relationships.
Bible Verses for today's Marriage Monday
Let no corrupt talk come from your mouths, but only that which is used to build others up. Eph 4:29
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, Matthew 7:12
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Todd and I enjoyed an entire Saturday at home this past weekend. With two sons getting married in the next month, it was a wonderful weekend to soak in one another before the wonderful weeks ahead place some extra commitments on our plate.
By Saturday evening, we had both spent time going in and out of the house, sort of rotating between work around the house and relaxation. As the sun was beginning to set, we took a walk around the yard and landed in the chairs overlooking the water. We soaked in the sunset, the sounds of the birds surrounding us, and the warmth of one another’s bodies. I sat nestled under his arm with my head resting on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. After close to 40 years of marriage, his shoulder was still one of my favorite places to rest. It always brings me peace, comfort, strength, assurance.
In the silence, my mind began to reflect upon the many ways I am grateful for this man. The list in my mind just kept growing. From his hard work around the yard to his love for his family. From his passion for ministry to his desire to provide for us. From his hunger for personal spiritual growth to his desire to see others know Jesus. From the way he looks at me when I’m being silly to the way he opens the door for me when we go out. The list continued. And then I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes.
“Babe,” I said with an inquisitive smile, “Do you ever just look at me and think of how thankful you are for me?”
He kept my gaze and softly responded, “That’s what I was just doing.” And he kissed me.
It is so important in our marriages to share with one another the gratitude we feel for the other. Life is crazy busy and if we aren’t intentional, it just won’t happen. It isn’t necessarily because we aren’t thankful or grateful for our spouse; it could truly because we aren’t making it a priority to leave ourselves time to lean into the art of gratitude for him/her.
I know I mention “priority” almost every week in my Marriage Monday, but that’s because it’s important! We must prioritize what’s important. And it is of utmost importance to share with your spouse the gratitude you feel for them. Unfortunately, you might be making a list of all the things he/she does that bother you. Or maybe you’re not in a good spot in your marriage right now, so you are stopping yourself from even allowing anything pure and good about them to enter your mind. I challenge you to stop that today. Satan loves to grab our train of thought and head it down a negative direction. Before we know it, it’s hard to get dug out of that rut. I’m asking you today, to make an intentional decision to get out of the negative rut. And to make a gratitude attitude adjustment this week. I have faith in you! You can do it! Check out the Practical Tips below to get started on the journey to strengthening your marriage. Because your marriage matters!
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Pause and pray. Ask God to forgive you for any negative thoughts you have been holding against your spouse, and ask Him to renew your mind with thoughts of gratitude.
*Grab a piece of paper and write down at least five characteristics in which you are thankful for your spouse. Do this each day this week, so you have a list tucked away to refer to when you need the reminder.
*Leave your spouse a note on his/her mirror, pillow, coffee pot, vehicle (you get the idea) that tells him/her specific areas in which you are thankful for him/her. Do this several times this week.
*Take your spouse by the hand, or in your arms, look him/her in the eyes and tell him/her, “I am so grateful for ___________. Thank you for caring for me/us in this way.” Do this several times this week.
*Have a conversation with your spouse and discuss how you both can move forward with making the sharing of gratitude a priority. This could be making gratitude lists and setting aside a special time to share them with one another. Perhaps you could commit to sharing something you are thankful for each night before you go to bed. There are many ideas you could implement; enjoy creating them and soak in the blessings that sharing your gratitude for your spouse brings to your marriage.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
In the early years of my marriage, when life got overwhelming, my “go-to” was to withdraw. And by this, I mean withdraw emotionally and physically. I wanted to be alone, go hide in my bedroom, and if necessary, curl up into a fetal position on my bed (or floor in some cases). And then, well then, I would cry.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how this could lead to some problems, confusion, and frustration for my man and I. My newly married hubby wanted to offer comforting words to me; I didn’t want to listen to him. My newly married hubby wanted to hold me; I didn’t want him to touch me. My newly married hubby wanted to know what was wrong; I didn’t want to talk. The list goes on.
As we continued to grow and strengthen our relationship, things began to change. We began to communicate more clearly with one another. Walls began to crumble, as we shared our fears and hurts, our pasts, and our dreams for the future.
A beautiful thing happened through this growing process. I began to open up and let him know when I felt I was heading into one of those overwhelming spots. In fact, he began to pick up on my subtle (and even unconscious) cues that “told” him I was heading into one of those situations. I began to allow him to speak words of truth to me. He began to learn when to not speak, and when to just listen. I began to long for him to hold me; he began to ask if he could do so. I began to share what I was experiencing; and he learned when to ask, and when to give me space.
Marriage is a delicate dance, isn’t it. It’s easy to step on the toes of the one dancing closely with us. It’s easy to make mistakes in timing. Or to not trust the other with the dips in our lives.
And yet, when we are willing to put the time in to learn how to navigate that dance, it is such a beautiful thing. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience. And practice. And persistence. But, it can get to the point where you are truly enjoying the dance…and actually pretty good at it too.
Now, forty years into our marriage, our dance looks so much different than it did in those early years. You will be hard pressed to find me sneaking off alone to our room gearing up to get into that fetal position. The reasons are varied. But basically, Todd can tell when I’m heading down that road, often before I am even thinking about it. He can pick up on my mood changes. The frequency of tears shed. The lack of laughter.
And I am able to share my heart with him. I trust him with every part of my being. So, when I am disappointed, fearful, or sad, I can share that with him.
The picture of me, alone in our room, on the bed in a ball is no more. Instead, the picture you will see is a woman leaning on the shoulder of her man, as he embraces her. Tears trickling down her cheek, as he asks her if she just needs space to cry or if he should offer some words of encouragement. And, the dance continues.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Identify whether your “go to” is to withdraw from your pain or share your pain with your spouse.
*Ask your spouse if s/he thinks you have identified yourself correctly in regards to the above.
*Share with one another examples of why you think this about yourself and/or the other person. Remember, this is a discussion to encourage openness, not to shame the other for not opening up more quickly.
*Ask your spouse to share a specific area of his/her life in which you could help him/her to be more open.
*Ask your spouse to share with you some tips on how s/he could identify the beginning symptoms of when you are starting to withdraw.
*Pray for your spouse today. If s/he will pray with you in person, do that. If not, pray for them on your own. Below is a prayer you can use if you’d like:
Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift you have given me in my spouse. I want to grow closer to my husband/wife. I want to connect with him/her in a more meaningful and deep way. Please give me the ears to hear and eyes to see when s/he is in pain or starting to withdraw from me. Give me the direction to proceed forward in a way that honors my spouse and you, as I walk alongside my spouse through the situation s/he is walking right now. Thank you Lord, for directing us and for strengthening our marriage even right now, as I say this prayer. In Jesus Name, Amen
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
I sat, relaxing, as a passenger in our vehicle (I’m spoiled cuz Todd always drives.) and let Todd know that I’d like to make a few stops on the way home. We were finishing up our trip up north and these were places that held special childhood memories for me. And so, on we drove. When we got to the first place, Purell’s Restaurant in Pinconning, I unfortunately wasn’t hungry yet. So, I told him to pass by, as I shared that it was the place where we would go for ice cream when I stayed at my grandparents’ house.
The next location was Deer Acres. Although it is now closed, this was a park that my grandparents’ created, built from scratch. To say that I have a few wonderful childhood memories there would be a grand understatement. Todd pulled in the driveway. I looked at the chipping paint, and the lifeless soldiers standing out front, and tears formed in my eyes. As Todd waited in the vehicle, I got out and walked closer, so I could peek inside. When I did, the overgrown broken track that I once drove the old-fashioned cars around, suddenly became bright and shiny, laughter filling the air. As I looked over at the rusty monkey cage, I could almost see them swinging around as they played and screeched. The tiny Hensel and Gretel House, now crumbling, came to life, as I remembered feeling so grown up working in there alongside my aunt and uncle. And the entry…the ticket counter, vines pushing through the cracks in the cement blocks, it also came to life in my mind’s eye, as my grandpa or uncle sat and took tickets, smiling from ear to ear as they saw me approaching from the parking lot. It didn’t take long for my grandma and aunt to come around the corner from the souvenir shop, arms open and ready for a big hug. As the tears made their way from my eyes, down to my cheeks, I felt an arm around my shoulder. Todd hadn’t stayed in the vehicle. He stood beside me, sharing in the moment. Allowing me to relive memories that were before our time together. Listening, as I shared a past that he wasn’t part of, but cared about because it was part of what shaped the woman he loves so well.
Satisfied with this stop on our journey home, we had one more place to go. Todd drove a few more miles until we reached the Turkey Roost. Another restaurant that has family memories that go back well over half a century. We pulled in the parking lot and made our way into the pink restaurant. I remembered the pens they had in the parking lot area when I was a child; pens where I could go and see the real live turkeys. When we got inside, we sat down. And surround by all the people, I did a little whistle to myself. It only seemed fitting, after hearing decades of stories about how my grandpa proudly brought me in there after church, showing off his two-year-old granddaughter who had learned to whistle. Sunday after Sunday, Turkey Roost became an after-church tradition. It definitely was a must on my list of stops on our way home that day.
When we left Turkey Roost, my heart was full. Not only because of the warmth the memories provided for me that day, but because my husband had just invested in me. Was there a list of things at home calling for his attention? Of course. Was he tired from a long week of work? He certainly was. And yet, he intentionally had a cheerful attitude and truly made me feel like he wanted to be no other place in the world that afternoon than right there beside me, walking down memory lane.
Remember to prioritize your spouse this week. Marriages don’t get stronger without putting in the time and investing in them. And your marriage is worth the investment…so, put in the time.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Be intentional about setting your phone to the side, turning off the television, and focusing on conversations with your spouse.
*Ask your spouse what you could do for them this week that would make them feel valued.
*Create a list with your spouse with activities you both would enjoy doing together. Pick at least one of those activities to do with each other each week.
*Here’s a few ideas to get you started: talk a walk, play a game, go on a bike ride, bring home dinner, make popcorn and watch a movie of their choice.
*This blog is by no means intended to put current or past owners of Deer Acres in a poor light.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
During our Annual 4th of July Family Weekend (four generations now), we finish the weekend with a church service in our yard. My parents and Todd and I live on about 7 acres of land, which has a large pond on one side of our houses and the Bay on the other side of our houses. This makes for a beautiful setting for all of our weekend activities, including our Worship by the Bay, which we hold on Sunday morning before people pack up to head back home.
I awoke on Sunday morning feeling grateful for the family who had come and for all God did over the weekend. His presence was so evident throughout every piece of the weekend…games, conversations, bonfires, and meals. I was a good-exhausted, you might say.
Todd and I sat in our chairs that we had placed in our “church” for the morning. The breeze was blowing ever so slightly. The water in front of us had just a ripple of movement. Our son, Harrison, and one of our daughter-in-law’s, Kya, were preparing to begin the music. Another son, Micah, was ready to open the service in prayer. Todd and I held hands, as we watched others bring their chairs as they made their way to church.
The worship music began and gratitude consumed me once again. What a gift to be in this spot with four generations of family worshiping together. My heart was full. As the music came to a close, our youngest son stood and preached the Word. His message penetrated the hearts of each individual. Once again, I was overwhelmed with God’s goodness.
After the closing prayer, another of our sons, Taylor, (we have five) stood to make an announcement. “As you may know, my parents recently celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary. My Dad has asked if I help him surprise my mom by leading them through a renewal of their wedding vows today.”
I was in shock! I absolutely had no idea this was happening. I looked up at Todd, whose eyes were already glistening with tears, and wondered if life could get any better than this. He stood and extended his hand out to me to take me to the front, where we would renew our vows.
And, because I’m one for full disclosure, I said, “Oh my gosh! Do I have time to go to the bathroom? I have been holding it so much for the last 20 minutes and I don’t think I can wait.”
I took off running for the house (the best I could with a full bladder), as everyone laughed, and Todd and Taylor stood at the front waiting for my return.
I did return. I joined My Man at the front, as he opened with sharing from his heart about our marriage and this special plan to surprise me. And surprise me, he definitely did.
Before Taylor began, Todd shared how he secretly went to my Bible and found the notecard with the vows he had written to me 40 years ago. He wrote them at 19 years old, the morning of our wedding. His mom had laminated them for us, and I’ve kept them in my Bible since then.
He shared how he was going to rewrite some vows, but then read what he had written all those years ago, and noticed, they still hold true today. So, with tears streaming down both of our cheeks, he read the 40-year-old vows to me once again:
Today I will marry my best friend, my love, and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Our love for each other has grown each day from the first time we said-I love you.
Our relationship also has grown. With each problem or conflict, we overcome, our relationship gains strength.
I will do my best to make you happy. I will work hard so that we can grow in our marriage and in God.
Ahead of us are good times as well as bad, but with our commitment to each other and to God we will make it through.
We are taking the biggest step in our lives-a celebration of our love and commitment to each other. I’m as happy as anyone could ever be.
Misty, I love you.
Todd was right. Those 40-year-old vows remained relevant and were the perfect words for our renewal. It was wonderful to hear them anew.
Taylor then mentioned something similar to his Dad. He said he too, was going to look for some new vows, made for a renewal, and yet, he settled back into the original vows. The traditional vows we took 40 years ago.
We repeated the vows to one another. We said “I do” again. And we once again pledged, “til death do us part”. (And then we got to kiss!)
The stark differences between that day and this one was evident to all who were in attendance at both. And yet, a couple things remained steadfast. We were surrounded by our loved ones, and we continue to feel God’s presence and see evidence of His work in and through our lives. And for that, my gratitude overflows all over again.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Marriage Monday: Re-engaging with Your Spouse
Can I love my spouse, but not really like him/her right now? I remember a time in our marriage where I was not liking my man. And my guess is, he wasn’t liking me much at that point either. I can make a list of what was going on in our lives, and place some blame on how and why he wasn’t very likable, but my guess is, again, he probably could do the same. We had young children. One of them wasn’t sleeping much at all, and only wanted mommy. We were struggling financially. I was babysitting daily for another baby, attempting to make some extra income so I could afford to stay home with our children. We were in a rut. He would go to work. I would watch kids. He would return home. I would hand off kids and go outside, trying to get a moment or two without a child attached to my body. He would get frustrated because the child would scream and didn’t want daddy. I would come back into the house to a crying child, other children needing things, and now a hubby who was anything but happy. And the cycle would continue. We would get irritated with one another quickly. We would think of our own needs instead of attempting to meet our needs together. It wasn’t fun.
But, wow, I did love that man. If anyone would have asked either of us if we loved our spouse, we would have said, “yes, of course.” However, we sure weren’t doing a great job at displaying it in our everyday lives. And the result was…we didn’t like each other much.
Thankfully, that phase didn’t last too long. We learned to communicate much better. We learned to forgive more quickly. We learned to serve the other more effectively. We learned to see the needs of the other more often. We learned. Period.
Marriage is a process of learning, isn’t it. Today, I ask, do you find yourself in the “I love my spouse, but I don’t like my spouse” phase? Unfortunately, some couples spend years in this phase. It’s not healthy or productive, and it certainly is not a fun place to reside in your marriage. Marriage is much more fulfilling when we not only love our spouse, but we like him/her too.
When I look back at that phase, I see some important components at play on my end. I see a woman who wasn’t happy with herself. I see a woman who was exhausted. I see a woman who probably had some depression creeping into her life. I see a woman who was lonely. The list goes on, but the point is, I wasn’t at a great place personally. And Todd could make a list of his components, as well. We were two people who were struggling on our own, and not making the decision to come together, communicate, and see what we could do for the other. We were too caught up in the “me syndrome”. If I could chat with young Misty today, I would suggest she and her husband sit down and have some conversation on how they could meet the other’s needs more effectively. I would tell her to intentionally do something to serve her husband every day, even if that wasn’t reciprocated. I would tell her to get a babysitter, and go out and do something fun with this man she loves…and find out what it’s like to not only love him, but to like him again.
Don’t stay stuck in that spot; take a step today to make your marriage better. If your spouse isn’t onboard for talking to you about it, make a commitment this week to do something for him/her that would show them you’re in the game. You’re ready to step it up and become friends, have fun together, laugh together…that you’re ready to figure out how to like one another again. And if you already are doing great in your marriage, awesome. But don’t take that for granted. Don’t let the fire burn out; fan the flame. Continue to be intentional about doing something to make it better each day. Your marriage is worth it.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Ask your spouse, "What could I do to make your week better?"
*Do an activity you had fun doing together when you were dating.
*Leave a note for your spouse that tells him/her at least three things you like about them.
*Let your spouse choose something for the two of you to do together, and make the arrangements to make it happen.
#marriage #marriagematters #love #marriagemonday #loveoneanother #love #serve #spouse
Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are commited to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else. Thanks! You may also sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Do seasonal transitions come easy for you? They certainly don’t for me. As I wandered around my house this week, picking up little toys and hair ties, and swooshing balloons across the floor, my heart ached. They were reminders that Summer was coming to a close and Fall was soon to begin.
Our family had the most marvelous of summers. We started right out with two of our sons getting married. It was absolutely wonderful to experience those unions. Weddings also meant there were some really great family gatherings, which I love and treasure. We then we headed into our 9th Annual July 4th Family Extravaganza. That meant even more family time. We had trips up north to see family. We had our South Carolina family come to Michigan for several weeks. The opportunities for fun, conversation, and laughter seemed endless this summer.
And yet, this week, the time arrived for that phase of life to come to a close. Did I mention how much I dislike that?
The family activities wrapped up, as the last of our family, including two of our granddaughters, our daughter-in-law and our son, loaded up and pulled out of the driveway on Monday. And this grandma shed some tears. Transitions are hard, especially when they include good-byes.
Today there were no morning conversations with my son and daughter-in-law.
There was no pitter patter of our granddaughters little feet making their way down the stairs. There were no snuggles on the couch before the day was to begin.
There would be no more setting up for movie nights. Or making popcorn. Or choosing a candy to add to that popcorn. (Does anyone else add M & M’s or Skittles to their popcorn?)
The pond will remain still, without the endless swimming and paddleboard rides.
The bonfire pit won’t be as active.
The jars for catching fireflies will remain empty.
The “grandma tears” came again at 2:00 pm when I was picking up some random item they left lying on the living room. And even now, as I write this. The sadness does fade. It takes a bit, but that’s ok. Giving myself time to sit in the “loss” of summer, of noise, of family is healthy for me. And it takes me through the memories of all the wonderful things that happened this summer.
What transition are you preparing for today? Do you have a little one heading to kindergarten? Are you dropping a child off at college? Maybe you’ve had a summer break from work and you’re preparing to head back this fall. Possibly, you’ve had a different type of loss; the loss of a marriage; the physical loss of a loved one; the loss of a job.
All of those changes mandate a transition. Some are easier than others. All can be a challenge and bring an array of emotions. I want to remind you today that we serve a God who is walking with you during every transition. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
The changes in your life and the transitions you are walking through at this very moment are no surprise to God. He is not caught off guard by your circumstances. He is not puzzled by your pain. He is not silenced by your sadness.
He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), prepared to give rest to the weary (Matthew 11:28), and provide strength (Isaiah 41:10) for each one of us.
I pray that whatever transition you are walking through right now, that you would rest in the arms of the One who has held your past and holds your future. And as for my transition, I am going to praise Him for a splendid summer, and lean into whatever fabulous fall plans He has for me. (Yes, I may shed a few more tears and I definitely will be counting down until I get to see my family again.)
Scripture and Prayers for You Today
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans15:13
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145:18-19
Heavenly Father, I am going through some challenging transitions right now. It’s hard for me to let go of the past and embrace the future. I ask that you would walk before me, light the path for me, and prepare me in whatever ways needed for the road that is ahead. I love you Lord, and thank you for your goodness and grace. Amen
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024