Marriage Monday: When Delight Disappears
"Is this really all there is," she said to me as she evalutated her marriage.
"The spark is gone," another person added.
So often couples glance over at their spouse, and wonder where the fun, excitement, anticipation...the list goes on... went in their marriage. When did the delight they had with their spouse disappear? Many times they can't really place a finger on an exact moment. It just seems to be something that slowly disappeard. Like a blazing fire that gradually died, until barely an ember was to be found.
Many times the delight left because your marriage was no longer a focus. Perhaps children came into the family; you found your lives saturated with filling their needs, putting the needs and desires of your spouse on the back burner. Perhaps health issues arose within the family; you found yourself busy with appointments and your seemed physically too drained to pour into your marriage. Perhaps financial issues have drained the delight from your marriage. The stress of not knowing how to pay the bills created a wedge between you and your spouse. The reasons are endless, and I know they take a toll. Our marriage has gone through the adjustments of children, health issues, and financial struggles. And that is why I can come to you to let you know there is hope. You can choose to fan the flame and bring that delight back into your marriage.
The definition of delight is to have great gratitude, pleasure, and joy in something. Doesn't that sound like something you want in your marriage? And if it is something you want, why are you walking around without it?
Let's bring back the delight! Dive back in and stop that delight from disappearing. Like most pieces of our marriages, this won't be something that will be fixed overnight. But as you pour oxygen onto that ember, the ember will beging to flicker. And when you place more and more kindling on it, it will catch. And you will be able to rebuild that massive fire you once enjoyed.
Below are some practical tips for you to start doing with your spouse. And I hope they will stop the delight from disappearing, or bring the delight back if it has begun to disappear.
*Have a conversation with your spouse. Ask them if they feel the "delight" you once had in your marriage has already disappeared or has begun to disappear?
*Between the two of you, jot down some ideas of activities you would like to see implemented into your marriage. Perhaps these are things you have let slide over the years. What did you used to do as a couple that you both enjoyed and found helpful in building your marriage?
*Take time daily to verbally encourage one another.
*Take time daily to physically touch one another. This may or may not be sexual. It could be simply a kiss. Stroking their hair. Rubbing of the shoulders. Holding hands.
*Take time to date again. Go over your weekly calendar, and set a date. Even if it needs to be simply taking a walk with just the two of you for a half hour. Prioritize time together.
*Check back in with one another after a week of implementing these tips. How are you feeling about the other? What ideas can you add to the next week?
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Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
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