“If you turn left here, we will get there more quickly.”
“No, I drive this all the time, this way is quicker.”
“I just drove this yesterday, and it is quicker if you turn left.”
Voice inflections change. Eyes roll. The mood of the trip just changed.
“You never reached out to me.”
“I reached out first, last time. I was waiting for you this time.”
“What a joke! You never reach out to me first. I always have to be the one to initiate.”
Words get harsher. The sound of pain makes its way through the conversation.
“About ten years ago we went and visited Uncle Joe.”
“That was not ten years ago. It was only eight.”
“It was ten years! I remember cuz it was close to his 70th birthday.”
Argument ensues. Tension grows.
What is it about us and our great need to be “RIGHT”? Even to the point we are willing to argue about topics that add no value to our daily lives. To the point that often times, we don’t even remember the topic of the initial argument. Years ago, my husband and I went to a marriage retreat, and speaker, Tom Harmon, gave this wise advice: “Give up the RIGHT to be RIGHT.”
What? You mean when I am RIGHT, I can just let “it” go and allow the other person to be RIGHT? Yes, it is possible. And it is a valuable tool to use in a marriage, as well as in any other relationship. When we relinquish this RIGHT, we are sacrificing self by putting the other person’s needs first. Because to be honest, many (I realize there are exceptions) of the arguments we have, are not worth battling over. They are not worth damaging the relationship. They are not worth hurting the other person. They are not worth the journey down the long ugly road. They are not worth damaging any children within earshot.
Perhaps turning left was quicker, but did the argument add value to the relationship? Maybe the other person didn’t reach out last time; are we prepared to lose the relationship over who is RIGHT. And maybe it was only eight years ago since we visited Uncle Joe, but wasn’t the goal of the conversation to set up a time to go visit him again?
I’m certainly not going to say it’s easy to relinquish the RIGHT to be RIGHT. My husband will testify to the fact that I don’t find it easy; in fact, he is much better at it than I. But I will continue to remind myself that it’s not about who is RIGHT. It’s about loving and honoring the other person, and investing in the building of relationships.
Let no corrupt talk come from your mouths, but only that which is used to build others up. Eph 4:29
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, Matthew 7:12
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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As the last vehicle drives out of the driveway, I can’t help it; tears slowly form in my eyes, and then stream down my cheeks. My hubby wraps his arms around me, knowing that the evening will be difficult. And that even the days ahead will leave their mark, as some sadness makes its way through our home. I am pretty predictable this time of year. Whether I was sending my kids off to kindergarten, college, or even now, back to their own homes after a wonderful summer together, I just don’t deal well with the good-byes and the TRANSITION that comes with those good-byes. I like to hold on very tightly to the wonderful times that the summer brought. I still want to enjoy the laughs around the bonfire; the swims at the pond; the sounds of the guitar playing in the bedroom; the banging of furniture during wrestling matches. All of it; I want to keep it coming. I don’t want to say good-bye; and I don’t want to begin the TRANSITION.
And yet, as I speak those things to my husband. As I share with God, once again this year, my lack of zeal for TRANSITIONING from summer to fall, I am reminded of the importance, and yes, even the joy to be found in the TRANSITION. Oh, what I would miss out on in my life if there weren’t TRANSITIONS. Oh, how I would miss seeing God work in the lives of my family, if they didn’t TRANSITION from one chapter to the next. God, you are so good, to allow us the opportunity to grow, to TRANSITION from one chapter to the next. You are so good, to allow us to create memories in one chapter, and then build anticipation for what the next chapter may look like. You are so good to allow us to take all that we learn, the good decisions and the bad, and to carry those lessons into the next chapter. Thank you, Lord, for walking with me through these times of TRANSITION, for allowing me to shed my tears, but for also reminding me of the growth and the opportunities that come with the new chapters you have for each one of us.
I pray this week, that as you move from summer to fall. As you TRANSITION from one season to another, that you feel His presence each step of the way. I pray that whether you struggled as you dropped off your kindergartener, are going through difficult evenings not having your college student at home, or any other TRANSITION you may be dealing with, that you are reminded of the faithful God we serve. That you are reminded that He has prepared a plan for us, and for our loved ones. A plan that includes this TRANSITION. A plan that includes a beautiful new chapter. May we each be reminded that without turning the page to the new chapter, we will leave the remainder of the story untold. And it's a good story. Let’s take the leap and turn that page, even if we need to leave a tear-soaked page behind.
There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under the sun. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Transitions in life, can offer opportunities for discovery. Robbie Shell
Sometimes, God brings times of transition to create transformation. Lynn Cowell
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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“Time to pray!” My voice would echo down our hallway and then down into the basement, as I would attempt to gather our sons for our evening prayer time. Soon all five boys would make their way to the living room, sometimes pushing one another for a specific chair, other times snuggling with each other on the couch, while the little ones piled on their big brother’s laps. Upon getting settled, it would get figured out who would pray first, and then the process of all seven us praying would begin. The first would pray, and when they would finish, instead of saying “amen” they would say, “pass it on to….” and say someone else’s name. It was a little game in the midst of our prayers, I suppose. With a fifteen-year age spread between the oldest and youngest brother, this “game” brought joy into our prayer time, as the little ones would sometimes forget who had prayed and call on someone who had already prayed. With some laughter and “He already prayed!” a new name would be called.
Prayer is one of those pieces in my relationship with Jesus that I don’t begin to understand. I have studied it. I have read books about it. I know there are between 300-700 times in the bible where prayer is mentioned (depending on version of bible). And yet, it still mystifies me. I am far from understanding why some of my prayers are answered in the way I desire, and others are still being laid before Him, as I wait for His response. I am far from knowing why one person receives healing and another doesn’t. I have more questions than answers, and yet, I do know this; I know I serve a God who has provided prayer as a means for intimate communication with God, Himself! I know that because of His death and resurrection, I have a Holy Spirit who resides within me, and can intercede on my behalf when I don’t even know the words to pray. I know I serve a Savior who is available 24/7 for me to speak to Him. Isn’t that cool! Perhaps the most important reminder for me, is that I serve a God who instructs me to pray. Prayer isn’t intended to be an optional part of my faith; it is to be a cornerstone of my relationship with my God. How can I build a stronger and deeper relationship with my Savior, if I don’t spend time communicating with Him? I can’t; it is impossible to build a relationship with someone if we don’t speak with one another.
Although I don’t understand every aspect of prayer, I do know it is my lifeline in my relationship with my God. It’s as an important piece of my relationship with Him, as breathing is to living. I pray today that you take some time, sit in His presence, and have a conversation with Him. It’s alright if you don’t know where to start. Just start talking, sharing with Him your thoughts about your day, your dreams, your concerns, your gratitude. He’s listening, and He will meet you right where you are today. The quote below by Max Lucado is a beautiful way of describing this teaching. (Let me know if you have questions about how to get started on your relationship with Jesus and your prayer time.)
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6-7
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Jeremiah 29:12
“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference." - Max Lucado
"True prayer is a way of life, not just for use in cases of emergency. Make it a habit, and when the need arises you will be in practice." - Billy Graham
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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Our family had just finished up a delicious meal with my parents. In fact, my mom had brought over most of the meal, so to me it was extra delicious; I didn’t have to cook.
Throughout dinner, there was one dish that was being avoided. It wasn’t because it didn’t taste good; I tried it and it was yummy. But the appearance of the mushy broccoli mixed with cheese was not very enticing. By the end of dinner, that particular dish had become the joke of the meal. Thankfully, my mom took it all in good humor. As my Dad prepared to take their dishes home, he grabbed that one and began piling the other dishes right on top of the broccoli dish. Apparently, he had no plans to eat the leftover broccoli the next day. As we all laughed at this funny demise of the broccoli, my son caught this picture of my Dad carrying said broccoli out of the house. His face tells it all.
My Dad is someone who is filled with joy. He’s filled with the kind of joy that creates lightness, laughter, and love. The kind that someone holds when they are having a fun day or holding a great conversation. It’s part of his personality and attitude that we all admire and love. He’s a cheerful man!
He’s also someone who is filled with the kind of joy that fills him even during difficult times. This is the kind of joy our family saw in my Dad as he battled cancer over the years. It’s the kind of joy that floods my Dad’s soul throughout all circumstances, not just the happy ones. The kind of joy that comes because of a relationship with Jesus. The kind of joy the bible speaks about when it says, “the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10) or “consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2).
This second type of joy doesn’t happen as easily. This second type of joy may be more difficult for us to see. This second type of joy often comes through tears rather than laughter. Through challenge rather than cheer. Yet, this second type of joy, is the biblical joy that does indeed give us strength. Does indeed produce perseverance, as James goes on to say. This type of joy, comes from knowing that we serve a God who has provided hope in the midst of all situations. A God who has provided a way for us to experience life abundantly on this earth, pain and all, as well as provided us with an eternal destination with Him when we finish our time on this earth. Now that’s something that should bring joy to each of one of us! I hope you will be filled with this type of joy today, and every day. And also remember to enjoy some of the laughter of the “broccoli joy” too, because the bible also tells us in Proverbs that “a joyful heart is good medicine”, and we can all use some medicine like that.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Philippians 4:4
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. John 16:24
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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When I look out my living room window to the west, I have the gift of being able to VIEW the waves of Lake Huron crashing the shoreline of our yard, or watching a beautiful sunset in the evening. And when I look out my window to the east, I have the gift of being able to VIEW my parent’s gorgeous pond and yard, lined with a fence row of trees, flower gardens accenting the grassy areas, manicured beautifully by my parents. And yet, even with these most spectacular VIEWS, there is one that is even more special, more precious, exceedingly more beautiful than any VIEW Lake Huron, the sunsets, or the pond can provide for me. It is the VIEW of my parents walking across the yard.
If you look at the picture above, you will see my parents, walking from their home to ours. Sometimes it’s to pick me up for a walk around the neighborhood. Other times it’s them coming over for dinner. Or perhaps it’s the journey over for nothing other than taking time to have a tea and sit together. Seeing them walk over brings a smile to my face, and then hearing them say, “have time for a tea?” is one of the biggest blessings of having them next door.
There can be many beautiful VIEWS, images, that become imprinted into our minds. Sometimes from a childhood memory. Or the birth of our child. Times when the clock seems to stop, and we see God’s hand in something remarkable. Moments in time that become etched into our hearts and minds, as we seek to hold onto them for a lifetime.
My prayer today with our Wednesday’s Word, VIEW, is that we ask God to show us some VIEWS that He would like to have embedded in our hearts and minds. Perhaps there are some VIEWS that we take for granted, ones that we rush past without notice. Ones that God is asking us to see, to pause and VIEW the beauty in them. A child running to us with arms open wide. A spouse seated at the table reading the Word of God. Someone laughing. Someone helping a person in need. Or parents, walking across the yard, to sit and have a cup of tea.
What types of moments will you allow God to place in your heart and mind today? Comment below if you, like me, have a special moment embedded into your heart and mind. I’d love to hear about it.
One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To beyond the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. Psalm 27:4
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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It didn’t take long for me to dread my physical therapy appointments. After my car accident, I went through a couple shoulder surgeries. The real pain came from the therapy and exercises, following the surgeries. I remember all too well, attempting to climb my fingers up the wall, working intensely to make it even to waist height. The pain radiated through my arm, from finger tips to shoulder blades. Tears streamed down my face. Teeth clenched. One more crawl. One more inch. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. It was exhausting, painful. And yet, every day, I went at it again.
What keeps us moving forward through painful experiences? What keeps us “SOLDERING ON”? In my example, the reward for moving forward was the truth in knowing that if I didn’t, progress wouldn’t be made. My shoulder would lock in place, with the inability to move higher; my arm would be of little use with no mobility and no strength. How did I know this? I trusted what the doctor said was needed; and I carried out his plan faithfully, SOLDIERING ON through the pain.
Physical pain certainly isn’t the only type of pain we experience. Often times, our emotional pain is much greater than our physical pain. Emotional pain grabs ahold of our hearts, pulling at it in ways that make us feel as if our chest is literally going to rip apart. The tears stream down our faces. Our teeth clench. We wonder if we can crawl even one more inch. What will keep us SOLDIERING ON through that type of pain? Trust in a mighty God; one who says that He is walking with us and that He will not leave us, regardless of how difficult and painful the journey may get. One who tells us there is always hope, for He Himself, is hope.
Are you having difficulty today SOLDIERING ON? Is there a pain deep within your soul that is keeping you paralyzed? Are there relationships in your family that are causing you to grieve? Is your marriage in a place that has you wondering how you will manage to climb from the pit it seems to have spiraled into? Are the bills piled up on the desk, bank account low, leaving your heart rapidly pounding, as you gasp for air to reach your lungs? Are you wondering how to climb out of bed this morning, as the agony of a deep loss in your life has you captive?
My dear friend, I see you. I have grieved for family to the point of being physically sick. I have had anxiety overtake me while paying bills. I have caught my breath by breathing into a paper bag after my cancer diagnosis. I have wondered how to get out of bed, how to function, after the loss of a family member. I see you; my heart cries with you, and I am sorry for what you are experiencing. I promise you, even in your darkest moments, there is a God who sees you. Who wants to meet you in your pit of pain. Who wants to help you climb out of that pit, carrying you if necessary. He wants to walk with you, speak to your heart, grieve with you, and help you stand once again. Will you trust Him?
Perhaps you don’t know what trusting God looks like. If that is you, please reach out to me; I would love to share Jesus with you. Need prayer? I would be honored to pray for you; please message me with your request. Together, we will see God at work; I just know it.
Below are some scriptures to help us all continue to SOLDIER ON during our difficult times:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. Habakkuk 3:19
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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I remember, at 18 years old, walking into Meijer with my boyfriend, and swearing I could hear our hearts beating out of our chests, as we walked hand in hand to the aisle with the pregnancy tests. I remember the next morning, before the sun was up, before any of his roommates awoke, taking the pregnancy test in his dorm room. And I remember the panic we felt, as we watched the pregnancy test turn to positive.
My world shifted that day. All the future plans that I had made for my life, suddenly felt as if they were snatched out of my tightly held grip. I was lost.
My story comes upon me more vividly this week, as it holds the great celebration of the birthday of my oldest son. The memories of placing my hands on my tummy and saying, “Don’t you worry little one. We’re going to be alright,” come flashing to the forefront of my mind. Although the words seem confident, they were spoken simultaneously, with these words crying from soul, “Lord, what am I going to do? What is next?”
Even in the midst of what I saw as an unknown plan for the future of myself and my baby, I also knew I served a faithful God. I knew there were to be difficult conversations with parents ahead. Painful decisions to be made regarding my relationship with my boyfriend, and challenges as to how I would proceed with my education. I also knew, however, that I served a faithful God. A God who would forgive me, who would love me. One who would pick me up right where I was, in that painful and confused state. And I knew He would hold me. Comfort me. And give me the direction and strength I needed to move forward.
I’m not sure what situation you find yourself in today, but I want to remind you, that the same faithful God who walked with me, is available to walk with you. We serve a God who is in the midst of your situation. Who has a desire to hold you when you need it, comforting you in your pain. Who forgives you, if your situation involves mistakes you were responsible for. Who will not desert you, but will instead walk with you, directing your next steps of the journey. No one cares more about you or your situation than the God who created you and loves you. He is faithful and He will not leave your side. Will you choose to trust Him today with your situation?
For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. Psalm 33:4
God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:9
Written by: Misty Cramer. Misty and her husband Todd have been married for 38 years, and have five sons, the oldest of course, is the baby from the story above. With a busy household of seven, God continued his faithfulness. He provided during the ups and downs faced when being married and pregnant at 18 years old. And He also faithfully provided opportunities for Todd and Misty to later enter into full-time ministry. They currently have been serving in youth, family, and marriage ministry for over 25 years. Their story can be heard in part on the following podcast, “Divorce Ain’t Happening”: https://anchor.fm/coldshowerpodcast/episodes/026-Divorce-Aint-Happening-Mom--Dad-elmq72
Misty is available to speak at your next ladies event, and her and Todd would find it a privilege to speak at your next marriage retreat. For more information on booking, you may head to mistycramer.com. You will also find Misty on Facebook: Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker and on Instagram @mistydawncramer.
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Marriage Monday: Like & Love
Can I love my spouse, but not really like him/her right now? I remember a time in our marriage where I was not liking my man. And my guess is, he wasn’t liking me much at that point either. I can make a list of what was going on in our lives, and place some blame on how and why he wasn’t very likable, but my guess is, again, he probably could do the same. We had young children. One of them wasn’t sleeping much at all, and only wanted mommy. We were struggling financially. I was babysitting daily for another baby, attempting to make some extra income so I could afford to stay home with our children. We were in a rut. He would go to work. I would watch kids. He would return home. I would hand off kids and go outside, trying to get a moment or two without a child attached to my body. He would get frustrated because the child would scream and didn’t want daddy. I would come back into the house to a crying child, other children needing things, and now a hubby who was anything but happy. And the cycle would continue. We would get irritated with one another quickly. We would think of our own needs instead of attempting to meet our needs together. It wasn’t fun.
But, wow, I did love that man. If anyone would have asked either of us if we loved our spouse, we would have said, “yes, of course.” However, we sure weren’t doing a great job at displaying it in everyday life. And the results were…we didn’t like each other much.
Thankfully, that phase didn’t last too long. We learned to communicate much better. We learned to forgive more quickly. We learned to serve the other more effectively. We learned to see the needs of the other more often. We learned. Period.
Marriage is a process of learning, isn’t it. Today, I ask, do you find yourself in the “I love my spouse, but I don’t like my spouse” phase? Unfortunately, some couples spend years in this phase. It’s not a healthy, productive, and certainly not a fun place to reside in your marriage. Marriage is much more fulfilling when we not only love our spouse, but we like him/her too.
When I look back at that phase, I see some important components at play on my end. I see a woman who wasn’t happy with herself. I see a woman who was exhausted. I see a woman who probably had some depression creeping into her life. I see a woman who was lonely. The list goes on, but the point is, I wasn’t at a great place emotionally. And Todd could make a list of his components, as well. We were two people who were struggling on our own, and not making the decision to come together, communicate, and see what we could do for the other. We were too caught up in the “me syndrome”. If I could sit down with that young Misty today, I would suggest she and her husband sit down and have some conversation on how they could meet the other’s needs more effectively. I would tell her to intentionally do something to serve her husband every day, even if that wasn’t reciprocated. I would tell her to get a babysitter, and go out and do something fun with this man she loves…and find out what it’s like to not only love him, but to like him again.
Don’t stay stuck in that spot; take a step today to make your marriage better. If your spouse isn’t onboard for talking to you about it, make a commitment this week to do something for him/her that would show them you’re in the game. You’re ready to step it up and become friends, have fun together, laugh together…that you’re ready to figure out how to like one another again. And if you already are doing great in your marriage, awesome. But don’t take that for granted. Don’t let the fire burn out; fan the flame. Continue to be intentional about doing something to make it better each day. Your marriage is worth it.
Intentional Ideas for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week:
*Ask your spouse, "What could I do to make your week better?"
*Do an activity you had fun doing together when you were dating.
*Leave a note for your spouse that tells him/her at least three things you like about them.
*Let your spouse choose something for the two of you to do together, and make the arrangements to make it happen
#marriage #marriagematters #love #marriagemonday #loveoneanother #love #serve #spouse
Misty Cramer © 2023
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made it's way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughter-in-laws, and two granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
https://mailchi.mp/5bc5d49af25f/2w6akp98cg
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14