Whether it’s coming home from a family vacation or returning home from a ministry trip, I need time and space to recoup. And Todd…well, the man just rebounds more quickly than I do. While I need time to catch up on some sleep…multiple nights worth; he gets one night of sleep and is ready to hit the regular schedule again. I need time to reorganize my brain, sort through my emotions, revisit the experience; he does that stuff quickly and bounces right back. I wish I could pull that off, but honestly, I just can't. 

Before I went through our Marriage Mentoring Course, I had contributed this to a lack of physical energy on my part, thinking I just was frailer or something. Well, that wasn’t it at all. One of our assessments explained that I fall under a Medium Low Capacity and Todd falls under Medium High Capacity. It is referring to the emotional capacity each of us have, basically how quickly we get stressed when juggling a demanding schedule, as well as how long we need to recover from events.

Hurray! I am not lazy or physically frail. I’m just different from Todd. Neither one is better than the other; they’re just different. We handle our “stuff” differently and need different recovering periods.

Can you see how this might be something that could cause some issues in a marriage? If we don’t understand that we are wired differently, created differently, we could have unrealistic expectations for our spouse.

If Todd doesn’t understand that I am going to need a few days to recover and regroup from our ten-day Florida Trip with 150 students, he could get frustrated and even angry at me when I can’t push forward in the same way he does. Instead, he has learned to adjust his expectations for me. He knows it will take me a few days, and that during that time I am processing the trip, getting re-energized, and resting up so I can be more effective when I get rolling again.

On the opposite side of that, I have found myself frustrated with him because he does rebound so quickly. I have thought he was pushing himself too much, not taking the necessary breaks. When in actuality, he has gotten his rest, and just feels ready to get out and move forward more quickly than I do. And that’s ok. I need to let him do that.

We are each created differently. Let’s celebrate that fact! When we understand these differences and value them, allowing them to be assets instead of barriers in our marriage, we can be excited about making our marriages stronger.

Intentional Tips for Strengthening your Marriage this Week:

*Would you describe yourself as a High Capacity or Low Capacity? How about your spouse?

*Have you been frustrated by the differences between you and your spouse in this area of your marriage?

*How will you respond differently to your spouse after being aware of these differences?

Have a wonderful week. Please feel free to leave a comment or question on the form below, or connect with me on Facebook and Instagram. And if you found this blog helpful, please remember to “like” it. Thank you! 

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and two granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

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