“Is this all there is?”

“Every day it’s the same ol, same ol. Where did the spontaneity go?”

“Why isn’t our marriage exciting anymore?”

Is it time to dig your way out of the marriage ruts? See if you relate to any of the scenarios below:

Husband and wife arrive home from work. They both dive into the normal routine of what happens every single day at this time. Someone throws dinner together. Someone helps the kids with homework. Someone is texting. Someone is on the computer continuing their work day from home. When they finally sit down to dinner, they are crabby and it impacts the kiddo’s who are hungry, tired, and in need of some attention.

One spouse has been home and has dinner made for the family. The other spouse comes in the door. Instead of greeting one another, they walk by the other as if s/he is a stranger they passed on the sidewalk.

They climb into bed at night. The conversation is limited, if it happens at all. One grabs a book, and the other picks up the phone. Time passes, and the lamps go out. Thoughts of a kiss goodnight, are just that…thoughts.

One spouse is "in the mood" and the other isn't. The same sexual routine plays out just like it always does. No variety. No passion. 

It doesn't have to be that way...in any of these scenarios. And yet, they keep replaying in homes all around the country...day after day. Which scenario plays out within the walls of your home? Or perhaps you have one I didn't mention. Does it leave you longing for more from your marriage? 

Sometimes those unhealthy scenarios creep in over a long period of time, and other times, they develop rather quickly. Sometimes, we just aren’t paying attention and being intentional, and the next thing we know, we have created poor habits within our marriage.

Just as those poor habits were created, they also can be tossed out and replaced with healthy ones. But, it does take intentionality. The change won’t happen without putting some effort into it.

A while ago, Todd and I got into a bedtime routine I wasn’t fond of. We unintentionally developed the habit of climbing into bed and scrolling, reading, or watching a tv program on our phones. We didn’t even recognize this behavior right away. Then one night, it was like a light bulb went on. What are we doing? Why are we ending our day like this? We re-evaluated. We decided we enjoy praying together before bed. We decided that yes, we both do enjoy watching some tv before bed. We decided we wanted to make sure we were giving the other a kiss before we rolled over and went to sleep. And so, those adjustments were made. We pray. We decide together what show we would like to watch together. And when it’s time for lights out, we give each other a kiss good night.

I’m not saying this is the best bedtime routine for every married couple. But I am saying, examine your routines and see if you’re both happy with them. If you’re not, then have some discussion and re-evaluate. Try something new. Discover what brings happiness and contentment to both of you. And enjoy this process of discovery. Remember, your marriage matters.  

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week

* Reflect on the rut or unhealthy routine that you and your spouse have become stuck in.

* Talk together about alternative options you both would enjoy, rather than staying stuck in your current situation.

* Identify the specific areas of your life where your marriage tends to fall into ruts. Examples of these areas: evening routines, meals, sexual intimacy, date nights, vacations, conversations, family time

*Choose one of those areas to focus upon, and begin implementing those changes today.

Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are committed to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 40 years and they have five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, four daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:

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