“If you turn left here, we will get there more quickly.”
“No, I drive this all the time, this way is quicker.”
“I just drove this yesterday, and it is quicker if you turn left.”
Voice inflections change. Eyes roll. The mood of the trip just changed.
“You never reached out to me.”
“I reached out first, last time. I was waiting for you this time.”
“What a joke! You never reach out to me first. I always have to be the one to initiate.”
Words get harsher. The sound of pain makes its way through the conversation.
“About ten years ago we went and visited Uncle Joe.”
“That was not ten years ago. It was only eight.”
“It was ten years! I remember cuz it was close to his 70th birthday.”
Argument ensues. Tension grows.
What is it about us and our great need to be “RIGHT”? Even to the point we are willing to argue about topics that add no value to our daily lives. To the point that often times, we don’t even remember the topic of the initial argument. Years ago, my husband and I went to a marriage retreat, and speaker, Tom Harmon, gave this wise advice: “Give up the RIGHT to be RIGHT.”
What? You mean when I am RIGHT, I can just let “it” go and allow the other person to be RIGHT? Yes, it is possible. And it is a valuable tool to use in a marriage, as well as in any other relationship. When we relinquish this RIGHT, we are sacrificing self by putting the other person’s needs first. Because to be honest, many (I realize there are exceptions) of the arguments we have, are not worth battling over. They are not worth damaging the relationship. They are not worth hurting the other person. They are not worth the journey down the long ugly road. They are not worth damaging any children within earshot.
Perhaps turning left was quicker, but did the argument add value to the relationship? Maybe the other person didn’t reach out last time; are we prepared to lose the relationship over who is RIGHT. And maybe it was only eight years ago since we visited Uncle Joe, but wasn’t the goal of the conversation to set up a time to go visit him again?
I’m certainly not going to say it’s easy to relinquish the RIGHT to be RIGHT. My husband will testify to the fact that I don’t find it easy; in fact, he is much better at it than I. But I will continue to remind myself that it’s not about who is RIGHT. It’s about loving and honoring the other person, and investing in the building of relationships.
Bible Verses for today's Marriage Monday
Let no corrupt talk come from your mouths, but only that which is used to build others up. Eph 4:29
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, Matthew 7:12
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Do you find Marriage Monday helpful? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Message me. Comment on the blog. And give a “thumbs up” and share. Thank you!
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Todd and I enjoyed an entire Saturday at home this past weekend. With two sons getting married in the next month, it was a wonderful weekend to soak in one another before the wonderful weeks ahead place some extra commitments on our plate.
By Saturday evening, we had both spent time going in and out of the house, sort of rotating between work around the house and relaxation. As the sun was beginning to set, we took a walk around the yard and landed in the chairs overlooking the water. We soaked in the sunset, the sounds of the birds surrounding us, and the warmth of one another’s bodies. I sat nestled under his arm with my head resting on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. After close to 40 years of marriage, his shoulder was still one of my favorite places to rest. It always brings me peace, comfort, strength, assurance.
In the silence, my mind began to reflect upon the many ways I am grateful for this man. The list in my mind just kept growing. From his hard work around the yard to his love for his family. From his passion for ministry to his desire to provide for us. From his hunger for personal spiritual growth to his desire to see others know Jesus. From the way he looks at me when I’m being silly to the way he opens the door for me when we go out. The list continued. And then I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes.
“Babe,” I said with an inquisitive smile, “Do you ever just look at me and think of how thankful you are for me?”
He kept my gaze and softly responded, “That’s what I was just doing.” And he kissed me.
It is so important in our marriages to share with one another the gratitude we feel for the other. Life is crazy busy and if we aren’t intentional, it just won’t happen. It isn’t necessarily because we aren’t thankful or grateful for our spouse; it could truly because we aren’t making it a priority to leave ourselves time to lean into the art of gratitude for him/her.
I know I mention “priority” almost every week in my Marriage Monday, but that’s because it’s important! We must prioritize what’s important. And it is of utmost importance to share with your spouse the gratitude you feel for them. Unfortunately, you might be making a list of all the things he/she does that bother you. Or maybe you’re not in a good spot in your marriage right now, so you are stopping yourself from even allowing anything pure and good about them to enter your mind. I challenge you to stop that today. Satan loves to grab our train of thought and head it down a negative direction. Before we know it, it’s hard to get dug out of that rut. I’m asking you today, to make an intentional decision to get out of the negative rut. And to make a gratitude attitude adjustment this week. I have faith in you! You can do it! Check out the Practical Tips below to get started on the journey to strengthening your marriage. Because your marriage matters!
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Pause and pray. Ask God to forgive you for any negative thoughts you have been holding against your spouse, and ask Him to renew your mind with thoughts of gratitude.
*Grab a piece of paper and write down at least five characteristics in which you are thankful for your spouse. Do this each day this week, so you have a list tucked away to refer to when you need the reminder.
*Leave your spouse a note on his/her mirror, pillow, coffee pot, vehicle (you get the idea) that tells him/her specific areas in which you are thankful for him/her. Do this several times this week.
*Take your spouse by the hand, or in your arms, look him/her in the eyes and tell him/her, “I am so grateful for ___________. Thank you for caring for me/us in this way.” Do this several times this week.
*Have a conversation with your spouse and discuss how you both can move forward with making the sharing of gratitude a priority. This could be making gratitude lists and setting aside a special time to share them with one another. Perhaps you could commit to sharing something you are thankful for each night before you go to bed. There are many ideas you could implement; enjoy creating them and soak in the blessings that sharing your gratitude for your spouse brings to your marriage.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024