Marriage Monday: Re-engaging with Your Spouse
Can I love my spouse, but not really like him/her right now? I remember a time in our marriage where I was not liking my man. And my guess is, he wasn’t liking me much at that point either. I can make a list of what was going on in our lives, and place some blame on how and why he wasn’t very likable, but my guess is, again, he probably could do the same. We had young children. One of them wasn’t sleeping much at all, and only wanted mommy. We were struggling financially. I was babysitting daily for another baby, attempting to make some extra income so I could afford to stay home with our children. We were in a rut. He would go to work. I would watch kids. He would return home. I would hand off kids and go outside, trying to get a moment or two without a child attached to my body. He would get frustrated because the child would scream and didn’t want daddy. I would come back into the house to a crying child, other children needing things, and now a hubby who was anything but happy. And the cycle would continue. We would get irritated with one another quickly. We would think of our own needs instead of attempting to meet our needs together. It wasn’t fun.
But, wow, I did love that man. If anyone would have asked either of us if we loved our spouse, we would have said, “yes, of course.” However, we sure weren’t doing a great job at displaying it in our everyday lives. And the result was…we didn’t like each other much.
Thankfully, that phase didn’t last too long. We learned to communicate much better. We learned to forgive more quickly. We learned to serve the other more effectively. We learned to see the needs of the other more often. We learned. Period.
Marriage is a process of learning, isn’t it. Today, I ask, do you find yourself in the “I love my spouse, but I don’t like my spouse” phase? Unfortunately, some couples spend years in this phase. It’s not healthy or productive, and it certainly is not a fun place to reside in your marriage. Marriage is much more fulfilling when we not only love our spouse, but we like him/her too.
When I look back at that phase, I see some important components at play on my end. I see a woman who wasn’t happy with herself. I see a woman who was exhausted. I see a woman who probably had some depression creeping into her life. I see a woman who was lonely. The list goes on, but the point is, I wasn’t at a great place personally. And Todd could make a list of his components, as well. We were two people who were struggling on our own, and not making the decision to come together, communicate, and see what we could do for the other. We were too caught up in the “me syndrome”. If I could chat with young Misty today, I would suggest she and her husband sit down and have some conversation on how they could meet the other’s needs more effectively. I would tell her to intentionally do something to serve her husband every day, even if that wasn’t reciprocated. I would tell her to get a babysitter, and go out and do something fun with this man she loves…and find out what it’s like to not only love him, but to like him again.
Don’t stay stuck in that spot; take a step today to make your marriage better. If your spouse isn’t onboard for talking to you about it, make a commitment this week to do something for him/her that would show them you’re in the game. You’re ready to step it up and become friends, have fun together, laugh together…that you’re ready to figure out how to like one another again. And if you already are doing great in your marriage, awesome. But don’t take that for granted. Don’t let the fire burn out; fan the flame. Continue to be intentional about doing something to make it better each day. Your marriage is worth it.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week
*Ask your spouse, "What could I do to make your week better?"
*Do an activity you had fun doing together when you were dating.
*Leave a note for your spouse that tells him/her at least three things you like about them.
*Let your spouse choose something for the two of you to do together, and make the arrangements to make it happen.
#marriage #marriagematters #love #marriagemonday #loveoneanother #love #serve #spouse
Todd and Misty are certified Marriage Mentors, and are commited to helping others strengthen their marriage. Thank you for reading this blog. If you found it helpful, please like, message, comment, or pass it on to someone else. Thanks! You may also sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome I hope you have a wonderful week and that you remember to prioritize your marriage...because it matters.
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024
Do seasonal transitions come easy for you? They certainly don’t for me. As I wandered around my house this week, picking up little toys and hair ties, and swooshing balloons across the floor, my heart ached. They were reminders that Summer was coming to a close and Fall was soon to begin.
Our family had the most marvelous of summers. We started right out with two of our sons getting married. It was absolutely wonderful to experience those unions. Weddings also meant there were some really great family gatherings, which I love and treasure. We then we headed into our 9th Annual July 4th Family Extravaganza. That meant even more family time. We had trips up north to see family. We had our South Carolina family come to Michigan for several weeks. The opportunities for fun, conversation, and laughter seemed endless this summer.
And yet, this week, the time arrived for that phase of life to come to a close. Did I mention how much I dislike that?
The family activities wrapped up, as the last of our family, including two of our granddaughters, our daughter-in-law and our son, loaded up and pulled out of the driveway on Monday. And this grandma shed some tears. Transitions are hard, especially when they include good-byes.
Today there were no morning conversations with my son and daughter-in-law.
There was no pitter patter of our granddaughters little feet making their way down the stairs. There were no snuggles on the couch before the day was to begin.
There would be no more setting up for movie nights. Or making popcorn. Or choosing a candy to add to that popcorn. (Does anyone else add M & M’s or Skittles to their popcorn?)
The pond will remain still, without the endless swimming and paddleboard rides.
The bonfire pit won’t be as active.
The jars for catching fireflies will remain empty.
The “grandma tears” came again at 2:00 pm when I was picking up some random item they left lying on the living room. And even now, as I write this. The sadness does fade. It takes a bit, but that’s ok. Giving myself time to sit in the “loss” of summer, of noise, of family is healthy for me. And it takes me through the memories of all the wonderful things that happened this summer.
What transition are you preparing for today? Do you have a little one heading to kindergarten? Are you dropping a child off at college? Maybe you’ve had a summer break from work and you’re preparing to head back this fall. Possibly, you’ve had a different type of loss; the loss of a marriage; the physical loss of a loved one; the loss of a job.
All of those changes mandate a transition. Some are easier than others. All can be a challenge and bring an array of emotions. I want to remind you today that we serve a God who is walking with you during every transition. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
The changes in your life and the transitions you are walking through at this very moment are no surprise to God. He is not caught off guard by your circumstances. He is not puzzled by your pain. He is not silenced by your sadness.
He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), prepared to give rest to the weary (Matthew 11:28), and provide strength (Isaiah 41:10) for each one of us.
I pray that whatever transition you are walking through right now, that you would rest in the arms of the One who has held your past and holds your future. And as for my transition, I am going to praise Him for a splendid summer, and lean into whatever fabulous fall plans He has for me. (Yes, I may shed a few more tears and I definitely will be counting down until I get to see my family again.)
Scripture and Prayers for You Today
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans15:13
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145:18-19
Heavenly Father, I am going through some challenging transitions right now. It’s hard for me to let go of the past and embrace the future. I ask that you would walk before me, light the path for me, and prepare me in whatever ways needed for the road that is ahead. I love you Lord, and thank you for your goodness and grace. Amen
Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. The Every Day God, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon's #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life's messes. She has been married to Todd for 39 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as "empty nesters" in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their sons, two daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she'd love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty's book can be found below:
Sign up here to receive reminders and links to Marriage Monday and Misty's monthly devotional newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome
Head to this link if you’d like to purchase the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CH258Y14
Follow Misty on Facebook to receive daily encouragement: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063109547064
Misty Cramer © 2024