Teamwork within Marriage, Conversation Starters for Marriage, Marriage Monday

Let’s talk Teamwork! In our family, I usually get home from work before Todd. Or, as is the case currently, much of my work is done from our home. So, I am the meal-maker. I’m also the meal-maker because I enjoy it, and we would prefer to eat the meals I make rather than the meals Todd makes. 😊 It’s one of those roles within our marriage that it didn’t take long to establish. It made sense of us. I was home first. I enjoy cooking more than him. And, I cook better than him.

After dinner, Todd does the dishes. I would say, he does 90% of the dishes in our home. He does them when it’s just the two of us. He does them when the boys come home. And he even does them when we have large groups of people over to our home. It wasn’t always this way, but for this phase in our life, this is what works.

It’s not that he doesn’t ever cook. He makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich, and on Saturdays, I sure love the French toast he makes for us. But for the most part, I cook. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t ever do dishes. We often find ourselves in the kitchen together, cleaning up, playing music, and chatting. But for the most part, he does the dishes

Being in a marriage means you are an integral part of a Team. And if you want your Team to work for the long haul, you need to figure out what works for both of you. God has given each of us different gifting, talents, desires, and needs. It’s important that we figure out what ours are, as well as what our spouses are, so we can function in the best way possible.

Have you ever heard these statements:

The man needs to be the head of the finances.

            The woman needs to stay at home with the children.

            The man needs to make the most money.

            The woman needs to take care of the home.

I would say, all of those statements COULD be true. But they also may NOT be true at all for your marriage. God did not wire every man alike, any more than He created every woman alike. For us to say that every role within every marriage needs to be the same for every single marriage, in my opinion, is a recipe for disaster.

Isn’t it possible that the woman is better in setting up a budget than the man? Isn’t it possible that a man could do an excellent job taking care of the children? Isn’t it possible that the woman goes into a field of work that pays higher than the man’s? And isn’t it also possible that the man is able to take care of the home?

The list of examples could go on and on. My point is this, evaluate what works the best for YOUR marriage. Don’t base the strategy of your Team by replicating someone else’s Team. Our marriages will withstand the pressures of this world much more effectively if we, as couples, create a game-plan specifically for us.

Stereotyping the roles within marriages can be dangerous. Doing this can place men and women into roles they are not gifted in, or simply aren’t passionate about doing. Why would we do that to the one we love?

In our marriage, some of the roles we decided upon in our marriage were very traditional. I stayed home for years with our children. It was something we decided together, and I loved it. If that’s you, then awesome! Enjoy diving into your role.

In our marriage, we also have roles that aren’t as traditional. I am the finance person in our home. Todd manages a ministry and is responsible for a large budget. Guess what he doesn’t desire to do in our home…manage the budget. And I enjoy it. I’m good at it. So, if you want to know exactly how much we have in our accounts and where the money is going to be spent this month, I’m your girl.

There are many reasons we choose to have the roles we do in our marriage. They are personal reasons that work well for us. And when they aren’t working well, we talk about them, and rearrange those roles. What works at one stage in our marriage, may not be the same as what works at a later point in our marriage. As Todd and I work as a Team, why would either of us choose to put the other in a role that doesn’t fit his/her skillset, schedule, or gifting?

I’d love to hear about what roles work best in your marriage. Perhaps something you have to add will help someone else’s marriage. How do you split up the household and child duties in your home? Do you tend to be more traditional or are there things you have found work in your marriage that are outside of the traditional roles?

I encourage you to have some conversation about what roles work in your marriage. Your marriage satisfaction rate is going to go up when both of you feel heard, and you both line those roles up to fit your family needs. Check out the Intentional Tips for Your Marriage, including the Conversation Starters below and enjoy talking about your roles with your spouse.

Intentional Tips & Conversation Starters for Strengthening Your Marriage this Week:

Jot down some of the roles you have within your marriage. Do you feel you are the best person to fill these roles at this stage in your marriage? If yes, put a star next to them. If no, circle it, so you can have conversation with your spouse regarding this role.

Jot down some of the roles your spouse has within your marriage. Do you feel s/he is the best person to fill these roles at this stage of your marriage? If yes, put a star next to them. If no, circle it, so you can have conversation with your spouse regarding this role.

Set up a time to have a conversation with your spouse and go over the items above.

Continue the conversation with these questions:

Do you feel overwhelmed with any of your roles? If so, what can we do to adjust, make changes, or reestablish those roles within our marriage?

Do you feel like we are working as a Team in our marriage? If not, let’s brainstorm some ways to create a more effective Team.

If there are roles that need to be adjusted, make those necessary adjustments, while also scheduling a time within two weeks to connect again. That next conversation is important for sharing with one another what has worked and what hasn’t. Adjust again, as necessary.

Your marriage is important. Working as a Team to create an atmosphere where both of you are heard, seen, valued, and appreciated is critical. It will be worth the effort to evaluate whether the roles you have within your marriage are working for both of you.

Misty Cramer is an author & speaker who recently released her first book. “The Every Day God”, 40 Daily Devotions for Walking with God through Everyday Moments, quickly made its way to Amazon’s #1 New Release and Best Seller lists in multiple categories. In this book, she authentically shares her own story to remind us all that God has a specific plan, even in the midst of life’s messes. She has been married to Todd for over 40 years and has five adult sons. While they enjoy their time as “empty nesters” in rural Michigan, they also love visits from their five sons, four daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters. Misty sends out a monthly devotion as part of her newsletter, and she’d love to send it along to you. The link to subscribe to the devotion, as well as the link to Misty’s book can be found below:

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