“It will be one of those days you will remember forever.” My aunts words were spoken to me with sincerity and the reflection of her experience over twenty years earlier, as she dropped off her oldest son at college. With the emotions that were already enveloping me, I knew her words would be accurate. Part of me wished they weren’t. Part of me wished this experience would be an easy one, one that would go by without any real tears of sadness. But without the tears of sadness, I suppose that could mean that I didn’t mind letting go of this part of our lives. And to be honest, part of me, a big part of me, does mind letting go.
Life is about letting go, isn’t it? It’s about letting go of a part of your experiences, of your family’s experiences, ones held so close, ones that seem to have slipped away much to quickly. It’s about doing the very best you can as a parent, realizing you have been far from perfect, but praying that your love for your child has covered most of your mistakes.
As you read this today, I am three hours away from my home, a little country town in the thumb of Michigan; the area that my husband and I have proudly chosen to raise our children. As you read, we are in an Orientation program at a wonderful college that my son has chosen to attend. I’m imagining myself in a program sitting attentively and yet having my mind wander as I prepare to say good-bye to my son and leave him at his new home on this college campus.
I am replaying in my mind the mental pictures I have taken the last few weeks as I’ve watched him take extra care in spending special moments with each of his four younger brothers. The trips outside to shoot some hoops. The wrestling on the living room floor. The watching of cartoons that he watches only for the enjoyment his little brothers gain from having him near them. The teasing as he attempts to persuade one to give him a hug. And the joy as he heads to work and the youngest runs down the hall yelling after him, “Hug! Hug! Hug!” Watching his 6’3’’ body reach down and effortlessly scoop up the little 20-pound body as they embrace and quickly kiss each other on the cheek.
Those are difficult times to let go, yet without change, without letting go of parts of our lives, there would be no growth, no room for new experiences. Ecclesiastes 3:1says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.” There have been wonderful seasons in our lives. And yet, the story isn’t over! We must turn the page and prepare to begin a new chapter. Yes, one of uncertainty. One of unknown challenges. But also one of new experiences. One of new friendships. One of new growth.
It seems that as parents, we spend lots of time slowly closing chapters of our children’s lives. We close a chapter when take them to the bus to go to kindergarten that first day. We close a chapter when we help them through the nervousness of their first date. We close a chapter when we watch them go down that graduation aisle. And we close a chapter as we leave them at college. Yet in closing all of those chapters, we are allowing a new season to burst into bloom! It’s fun to leaf back in the pages, reminisce about the older chapters, laugh about them, but we must always be ready to start the new chapter, even if the earlier chapters seem too precious to end, even as uncertain as the new ones may seem; more of the book is to be written.
Now, I am preparing to say my good bye. I am preparing to close up the chapters of the past eighteen years, opening them every so often for the great memories, but closing them again, making room for the new chapters. Will it be easy? You can bet it won’t be. You can be sure that I have tears in my eyes right now as I think about this, but I want to share with you a promise that I hold on to during these times of change. A promise that I hope will comfort you as you go through whatever change is happening in your life today. Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” I have a Heavenly Father who not only promises He will be with me through this process, but more importantly to me as a mom right now, He is promising me He will there for my son, even when I’m not able.
So as I drive away from that college parking lot, as you leave your child at the elementary school, or as you close whatever chapter of your life is ending this summer, we can both be assured that there is someone much more able than ourselves holding our babies. One who loves them even more than we do. One who is holding their hands tightly, walking them into the next chapter. Thank you God for reassuring me that you are taking care of our little ones, even the little ones who have grown much bigger than us now! And God, when we’re not able, please give our children an extra big hug every so often from mom and dad.
Author Misty Cramer. This piece was first published in the Bay City Times, when Misty's oldest son was being taken to college...many years ago.
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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Last week as my husband and I were heading home after leading a Team Retreat, I sat back in the seat of the vehicle and let him know that I’d like to make a few stops on the way home. Having not been up in this area in quite some time, I shared with him I’d like to stop at some places that held childhood memories for me. And so, on we drove. When we got to the first place, Purell’s Restaurant in Pinconning, I unfortunately wasn’t hungry yet. So I told him to pass by, as I shared that it was the place where we would go for ice cream when I stayed at my grandparents’ house. The next location was Deer Acres. Although it is now closed, this was a park that my grandparents’ created, built from scratch. To say that I have a few wonderful childhood memories there would be a grand understatement. So, Todd pulled in the driveway. I looked at the chipping paint, and the lifeless soldiers standing out front, and tears formed in my eyes. As Todd waited in the vehicle, I got out and walked closer, so I could peek inside. When I did, the overgrown broken track that I once drove the old-fashioned cars around, suddenly became bright and shiny, laughter filling the air. As I looked over at the rusty monkey cage, I could almost see them swinging around as they played and screeched. The tiny Hensel and Gretel House, now crumbling, came to life, as I remembered feeling so grown up working in there alongside my aunt and uncle. And the entry…the ticket counter, vines pushing through the cracks in the cement blocks, it also came to life in my mindseye, as my grandpa or uncle sat and took tickets, smiling from ear to ear as they saw me approaching from the parking lot. It didn’t take long for my grandma and aunt to come around the corner from the souvenir shop, arms open and ready for a big hug. As the tears made their way from my eyes, down to my cheeks, I felt an arm around my shoulder. Todd hadn’t stayed in the vehicle. He stood beside me, sharing in the moment. Allowing me to relive memories that were before our time together. Listening as I shared a past that he wasn’t part of, but cared about because it was part of what shaped the woman he loves so well.
Satisfied with this stop on our journey home, we had one more place to go. Todd drove a few more miles until we reached the Turkey Roost. Another restaurant that has family memories that go back well over half a century. We pulled in the parking lot and made our way into the pink restaurant. I remembered the pens they had in the parking lot area when I was a child; pens where I could go and see the real live turkeys. When we got inside, we sat down. And surround by all the people, I did a little whistle to myself. It only seemed fitting, after hearing decades of stories about how my grandpa proudly brought me in there after church, showing off his two-year old granddaughter who had learned to whistle. Sunday after Sunday, Turkey Roost became an after-church tradition. It only seemed fitting to include it in my list of stops on our way home that day.
When we left Turkey Roost that day, my heart was full. Not only because of the warmth the memories provided for me that day, but because my husband had just invested in me. Was there a list of things at home calling for his attention? Of course. Was he tired from a long week of work? He certainly was. And yet, he intentionally had a cheerful attitude and truly made me feel like he wanted to be no other place in the world that afternoon than right there beside me, walking down memory lane.
My encouragement on this Marriage Monday is to intentionally make our spouse a priority. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a walk with them. It could be turning off the tv, putting down the phone, and playing a game or talking. Perhaps it’s a night out to a movie we’d rather not see, but our spouse wants to see. Maybe it’s bringing home a special meal. It might be just making them popcorn and being next to them, as they watch their favorite show. The challenge is… do something. Do something that makes our spouse feel like s/he is the most important person in the world. Because my marriage, your marriage, is worth the investment.
*This blog is by no means intended to put current or past owners of Deer Acres in a poor light.
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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“If you turn left here, we will get there more quickly.”
“No, I drive this all the time, this way is quicker.”
“I just drove this yesterday, and it is quicker if you turn left.”
Voice inflections change. Eyes roll. The mood of the trip just changed.
“You never reached out to me.”
“I reached out first, last time. I was waiting for you this time.”
“What a joke! You never reach out to me first. I always have to be the one to initiate.”
Words get harsher. The sound of pain makes its way through the conversation.
“About ten years ago we went and visited Uncle Joe.”
“That was not ten years ago. It was only eight.”
“It was ten years! I remember cuz it was close to his 70th birthday.”
Argument ensues. Tension grows.
What is it about us and our great need to be “RIGHT”? Even to the point we are willing to argue about topics that add no value to our daily lives. To the point that often times, we don’t even remember the topic of the initial argument. Years ago, my husband and I went to a marriage retreat, and speaker, Tom Harmon, gave this wise advice: “Give up the RIGHT to be RIGHT.”
What? You mean when I am RIGHT, I can just let “it” go and allow the other person to be RIGHT? Yes, it is possible. And it is a valuable tool to use in a marriage, as well as in any other relationship. When we relinquish this RIGHT, we are sacrificing self by putting the other person’s needs first. Because to be honest, many (I realize there are exceptions) of the arguments we have, are not worth battling over. They are not worth damaging the relationship. They are not worth hurting the other person. They are not worth the journey down the long ugly road. They are not worth damaging any children within earshot.
Perhaps turning left was quicker, but did the argument add value to the relationship? Maybe the other person didn’t reach out last time; are we prepared to lose the relationship over who is RIGHT. And maybe it was only eight years ago since we visited Uncle Joe, but wasn’t the goal of the conversation to set up a time to go visit him again?
I’m certainly not going to say it’s easy to relinquish the RIGHT to be RIGHT. My husband will testify to the fact that I don’t find it easy; in fact, he is much better at it than I. But I will continue to remind myself that it’s not about who is RIGHT. It’s about loving and honoring the other person, and investing in the building of relationships.
Let no corrupt talk come from your mouths, but only that which is used to build others up. Eph 4:29
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, Matthew 7:12
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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As the last vehicle drives out of the driveway, I can’t help it; tears slowly form in my eyes, and then stream down my cheeks. My hubby wraps his arms around me, knowing that the evening will be difficult. And that even the days ahead will leave their mark, as some sadness makes its way through our home. I am pretty predictable this time of year. Whether I was sending my kids off to kindergarten, college, or even now, back to their own homes after a wonderful summer together, I just don’t deal well with the good-byes and the TRANSITION that comes with those good-byes. I like to hold on very tightly to the wonderful times that the summer brought. I still want to enjoy the laughs around the bonfire; the swims at the pond; the sounds of the guitar playing in the bedroom; the banging of furniture during wrestling matches. All of it; I want to keep it coming. I don’t want to say good-bye; and I don’t want to begin the TRANSITION.
And yet, as I speak those things to my husband. As I share with God, once again this year, my lack of zeal for TRANSITIONING from summer to fall, I am reminded of the importance, and yes, even the joy to be found in the TRANSITION. Oh, what I would miss out on in my life if there weren’t TRANSITIONS. Oh, how I would miss seeing God work in the lives of my family, if they didn’t TRANSITION from one chapter to the next. God, you are so good, to allow us the opportunity to grow, to TRANSITION from one chapter to the next. You are so good, to allow us to create memories in one chapter, and then build anticipation for what the next chapter may look like. You are so good to allow us to take all that we learn, the good decisions and the bad, and to carry those lessons into the next chapter. Thank you, Lord, for walking with me through these times of TRANSITION, for allowing me to shed my tears, but for also reminding me of the growth and the opportunities that come with the new chapters you have for each one of us.
I pray this week, that as you move from summer to fall. As you TRANSITION from one season to another, that you feel His presence each step of the way. I pray that whether you struggled as you dropped off your kindergartener, are going through difficult evenings not having your college student at home, or any other TRANSITION you may be dealing with, that you are reminded of the faithful God we serve. That you are reminded that He has prepared a plan for us, and for our loved ones. A plan that includes this TRANSITION. A plan that includes a beautiful new chapter. May we each be reminded that without turning the page to the new chapter, we will leave the remainder of the story untold. And it's a good story. Let’s take the leap and turn that page, even if we need to leave a tear-soaked page behind.
There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under the sun. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Transitions in life, can offer opportunities for discovery. Robbie Shell
Sometimes, God brings times of transition to create transformation. Lynn Cowell
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
If you would like to receive notice when Misty posts a blog, you can subscribe to her website, https://mailchi.mp/7844a4ba7f8b/welcome and follow her on Instagram @mistydawncramer and Facebook, Misty Cramer, Author & Speaker. She would love to connect with you!
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